Beyond a crazy day...

Yesterday was a beyond crazy day. Me and my friend were going to go up and talk to my guidance counselor, but she told us to go away and come back later in the day. We were both on the verge of seriously breaking down. After first period, we went into the bathroom and my friend started cutting her wrist. After that I went to class, and she just hung out around school not going to class. I came out of class numerous times throughout the day to see her and to talk about our plans. We were going to try and find someone to take us to a hospital after school. She was trying to find us a ride.

During 6th period, she told me to meet her in the bathroom. She texted me right as I was about to leave saying not to come, because her guidance counselor and the school social worker found her and took her up to guidance.

A few minutes later, the phone rang in the classroom and I started freaking out. I knew it had to be for me. I thought I was getting in trouble too. My teacher hung up the phone and said nothing. My heart was pounding. A few minuets after that, the security guard came into my classroom and told me I needed to come with her. I know this security guard pretty well she's really nice, but I was sill terrified.

She took me up to guidance, where I sat in a room with my assistant principle and the school social worker. Both of whom I know very well, and they both love me. I guess I have a way with adults. Anyway, they started asking me questions, and then they asked me if I had a razor blade or any other weapon on me. I was like...no? And they believed me.

They let me go, but didn't want me to go back to class because they didn't want me to like have a nervous breakdown in class I guess. My assistant principle took my phone so I couldn't find out anything that was going on. I went into the Time Out Room (TOR),  which is a room where kids who are in trouble or kids who just need a mental break go. I'm in there a lot, but I'm never in trouble so everyone likes me in there.

A little bit after I get there, I see an ambulance drive away. I was freaking out. I knew it was my best friend in there. I was supposed to be with her. The teacher in TOR noticed I was visibly upset and came to talk to me. Then she bought me food which made me calm down.

During 8th period, my guidance counselor and the school social worker (who I love) came to talk to me. The first thing I said was "I guess I know who was in that ambulance, huh". They both looked at each other and started laughing. They were amazed that I knew that. They were trying to keep that from me. That's the reason they took my phone away. I wanted to tell them everything right then and there, but I couldn't. They already had to much to deal with today.

My guidance counselor said something to me that I'll never forget. She told me I'm a nurturer. I always take care of everyone else's needs before my own. I know that's very true. She also said this:

I have never given up on anyone. I always see the good in them, and try to help them through everything. I have never given up on anyone - except myself.

And she's so right. I don't know when or why I gave up on myself, but I did. I'm scared for today. I don't know what's going to happen to me. Wish me luck.