I'm done

I'm done.  I can't deal with all the shit at home, all the shit at work, and all the shit at school. 

I'm tired of not being good enough. I'm tired of ALWAYS being second best. I'm so sick of letting everybody step all over me and expect me to let it slide. I'm done being yelled at and I'm done being made to feel inadequate. 

And you all wonder why I'm suicidal? I hate my life more than words could ever express. I'm never good enough. And I don't know why. Am I ugly? Am I fat? Do I speak a different language? Am I just not good enough in general? Seriously, what the hell!

I'm not going to prom, not because I don't  have a date, because I do (and no it's not my scum bag exboyfriend), but because when my "best friend" was making plans with who to go with, she "forgot" or whatever the hell her excuse is to include me. So now I don't have a spot on the bus. Yeah, that pisses me off more than a little bit. 

I tried talking about my problems because I thought maybe that would help me feel better. Nope! No one gave a shit!

So now I'm back to putting on a stupid happy face. The sad part? EVERYONE BUYS IT. 

How dumb can you be. Or is it that they all choose to look the other way? Yeah, probably that one. I'm sick of being alone in this. I need at least one person, and my best friend moved really far away. We talk everyday but I miss her. I want to be able to take care of her and I feel helpless all the way over here. 

I haven't eaten more than 300 calories in a day for a week straight. Dropped 7 pounds. Still not good enough. If I'm getting surgery, I have to be way smaller than I am now. I want to get back to 95 like I was. 
No one cares. No one notices. No one makes me eat. 

If I want to starve myself, whose going to make me eat?
If I want to cut, whose going to stop me?
If I want to talk, whose going to be there to listen?
If I'm about to kill myself, who is going to be there to stop me?

No one. No one at all.