Alone

For those of you that don't know, yes, my sister is mentally ill. She has borderline personality disorder, OCD, bipolar, and she is on the autism spectrum as well. She has other things but my mind is blank right now. She sounds like a blast to live with right? My birthday was 2 days ago and it was good. My best friend took me on a trail ride and we went out to lunch and slept over. It was pretty awesome. It was just the two of us, but I wish my other best friend could've gone. I know she helped plan it though so I'm still very thankful to both of them.  I honestly don't know what I'd do without them. And I feel so bad for them for having to put up with me.  Despite having a great day, I was still upset and so lonely at nighttime. I don't know what's wrong with me, or why no matter what happens I always end up sad and lonely, but I hate it. And I don't want people to think I'm unappreciative or ungrateful, because thats not true at all.  I feel like one of my close friends is starting to get sick of me and doesn't like me anymore. I pushed him away, and I don't think we wants to have anything to do with me. Or maybe I'm reading into it much. Or maybe I'm not and that's really what he thinks. I don't know.  Alone. That's how I feel 24/7, even when I'm with someone. I feel MORE alone when I'm actually with people. My sleeping is starting to get bad again..I'm really not sleeping very much at all. Ugh I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.