I'm having a really crappy day. I had a pretty good day yesterday because I was surrounded with good people and a lot of food. I ate way to much, but it was a fun time.
I'm pretty much going nocturnal again. Exhausted all day, but can't sleep at night. Haven't taken Prozac or sleeping pills in a long time. Why I do this to myself? I don't know. So yeah, it's safe to say I'm suicidal again. I'm not going to do anything yet though.
Plan on not eating anything for 2 days. Like I said, ate way to much this weekend. I also plan on drinking a lot soon. I need alcohol in me. I'm going to be doing a lot of stupid and reckless things lately. Oh well.
Not much else to say tonight. If anyone has any books to recommend me that would be greatly appreciated. I just finished reading Aimee by Mary Beth Miller and it was crazy good. So if anyone has any books where the main character is depressed or dealing with something like that or suicide please recommend. I need more books. I clearly have nothing better to do with my life at this point. I need something relatable.
Saving Max by Antoinette van Heugten is very good. There is some crazy, screwed up stuff in there but that sounds like what you might be looking for.
ReplyDeleteAnd please eat. Many people don't realize this, but not eating for a period of time puts your body into starvation mode, so that the next time is does eat, everything is stored rather than burned for energy. You will be helping your body gain more weight if you starve yourself for 2 days and then eat. In fact, eating too much every once in awhile is good for your metabolism. The best thing to do is to eat healthy snacks and meals every 2-3 hours. I know you probably don't feel like doing that, but if you are going to starve yourself because you are afraid of gaining weight, then you will be unsuccessful.
I just read a book called Nowhere Near Normal. It is a memoir of a girl growing up with severe OCD. She did have depression and anxiety also, and it was actually kind of funny in parts also.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you would probably really like I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb. It is about twin brothers, one of whom is Schizophrenic. When he gets put into containment, the story turns to the other twin, and we learn about his lifelong struggles of living with such a sick brother. Eventually, the sick brother kills himself, and the "unsick" brother, who we find out is more sick than he thought, finds healing through therapy. Incredibly good book.
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