Stupidity

Oh where do I even begin...I have no idea what to say right now. 

First of all, I'd just like to give a shout out to my friend Oliver who is both a freaking idiot and a genius at the same time. I can't even believe you..but I love you. 

Secondly, if any of you are reading this and wondering anything that I have never shared, feel free to ask. Now that I'm back, I'd like to be as real and open as possible. 

So my exboyfriend, yea, remember him? The one who all my friends hate but I still somehow love? He will not stop yelling at me and making me feel bad about having a new boyfriend, mike. And yeah it hurts. Here's how stupid I am. I actually considered breaking up with mike to get back together with him. 

I guess I figured, hey, I've never been happy before, why start now? I really do hate myself. 

I'm pushing away all my friends again too. I don't think they need me. But I said that last night. 

I was with my guidance counselor today and I wanted so bad to tell her how messed up I am, but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm scared of the outcome. 

Last night I went to bed at 7 and woke up at 3. Not exactly the conventional nights sleep...but hey at least I slept. I feel like I'm just rambling. 

Oh when is this all going to end???