I just got off the phone with Mike. I was talking to him for an hour and a half. I'm not used to talking on the phone...it usually causes me a lot of anxiety. My anxiety seems like it's getting worse.
I like mike so much though. I'm really trying to be a better person for him. We seem like we can both really make each other happy. I'm so scared that I'm going to scare him away though. I haven't told him any of the bad stuff...not in depth anyway.
I'm afraid that he'll see me as something different than he sees me now and it scares me. I don't want to screw up. I dont want my ex to keep yelling at me. I want happiness.
He makes me so happy and it feels good. It's harder in one way being in a relationship with someone who you actually like. I mean think about it. If something happens, it's really going to hurt and it will be really bad. But if you're with someone you don't really care about...it won't be as bad or hurt as much.
I don't know, that's just how I think. I'm going to visit a college tomorrow and I'm nervous. I hate thinking about college. It's one reason why in pushing everyone away. One of my friends is very easy to push away. She doesn't seem like she cares much. It hurts, not guna lie, but I guess I do it to myself.
On the plus side, I feel slightly less dizzy today. Yay.
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