Inevitable disaster

Do you ever just feel like screaming? Or crying, or jumping off a bridge or just doing something to release some emotions?

I feel like that a lot. Like I just need any type of release but I can never get it. 

If you read one of my posts from last April called "Cycles", it talks about how every time after I get surgery, my depression gets a little bit better because I'm high on pain medicine all the time. I feel like crap and I'm always sleeping and my brain is just dysfunctional. But then after a few weeks, I just get worse and worse. I pretty much spiral out of control. Right after surgery number 3 was when I tried to kill myself. 

Here's the like for that other post if you're interested:
http://fightformylife-depression.blogspot.com/2011/04/cycles.html


I can only imagine how bad my depression is going to get this time. Everything around me is getting worse. My home life is a disaster. It's honestly getting out of control. Something disastrous is undoubtably going to happen very soon. I only wish you could all see just how bad it is here. It's just impossible to explain. 

I feel so alone. None of my friends even care about me anymore. Well, none that go to my school. I have a bunch of friends who go to different schools around me, and it's funny because they are the ones who are the farthest away, but the only ones who come to visit me. 

I can't leave the house because of my surgery and my "best friend" came to see me once and doesn't even text me. I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt but I don't know. What can you do. 

I couldn't feel more alone if I tried. I'm trapped in this freaking war zone just waiting for a tragedy. My friends don't talk to me, and I can't do a thing about it. Out of sight out of mind I guess. 

I'm really scared to be in this stupid house alone with my sister. She needs to be in the hospital. All she does is scream and torture all of us. My mom can't take it anymore either. Shes been really mean to my sister. Shes finally standing up to her but my dad yells at her whenever my mom yells back. There on completely different pages. Something bad is going to happen. Things are getting worse, not better. And it's all because I got surgery and my sister can't deal with that.