Long weekend

This was an interesting weekend  for me to say the least. I went out Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. 

Thursday I got incredibly high, followed by a hugeee binge. That led to me throwing up for a very long time. Then Friday I refused to eat at all because of what happened the day before. 

I stayed sober Friday but it was really hard. I've been putting on this front, this happy face all weekend. It's harder to be around people because I feel like I have to protect them from myself. 

Saturday I went out with a group of people I've been getting close with lately. It's been really good for me. I feel like they are my parents, siblings, friends, and other things all at the same time. It just feels really good to have that in my life. And I really appreciate it. They are all older than me (two of them are 23, one around 30, and the other 18) but they don't treat me like I'm younger, which I really appreciate. I feel like they actually respect me and I love it. 

We were supposed to go to a bowling alley for a fundraiser but my anxiety was so bad. That's been increasing for me lately too. We went but I couldn't even stay inside. I had to go outside and sit in the car. My friend came with me so I wasn't alone which was good. I had a huge anxiety attack, smoked a cigarette, felt really nauseous, and then eventually I calmed down. My social anxiety is seriously becoming a problem to the point where it is interfering with my life. 

I got really drunk on Saturday night too. I only had one 4loko and it messed me up. I can usually handle a lotttt more than that so I don't know why I got so bad. I guess my tolerance severely lowered after I stopped drinking so much because of...yeah. I got to the point of throwing up and blacking out. I think the only reason I threw up though is because I felt really sick before. Because I usually never get sick. Oh well, no harm done. 


Today I'm going on a road trip with the two 23 year olds. I'm really excited. I don't know where we are going, or what we're doing, but I'm just excited that I'm going on a road trip and stuff. I love the car. I love being able to blast music and just...think. I dont know.. Being in the car does something for me. 

I have so much more to say, but not right now. I'm sure I'll write in the car though. 

I hope everyone else is doing well.