Let me just be blunt here. This depression is a real bitch. I'm so sick of it controlling my life, my thoughts, and my actions. Last night my boyfriend, my best friend, and one of my other friends came over. It was a great night. Nothing went wrong and it was just an awesome time. I was in a fine mood all night.
And then I wasn't. I just got really lonely feeling and upset and depressed and I just wanted everyone to leave at that point. I really wish it didn't have to be like that. I did a lot of dumb stuff yesterday too. I purged for the first time and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for everything.
I can't take this anymore. Its not fair. All I want is to be happy, or to feel less alone, or just to even be able to eat a meal without feeling guilty afterwards. There is nothing I can do to make myself feel any better.
My stomach kills, I'm constantly lonely, and I'm just miserable. Oh yeah, I have my doctor appointment on Tuesday. Hopefully that goes well...
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