Oh wow what a crazy week...so I went to that party on Saturday. Had a good 14 shots of Bacardi. I was just a tad drunk. Apparently I was all over my ex all night saying how he was the only one who loved me or something. I crave attention even when I'm drunk I guess. Apparently I disappeared for a good 15 minuets at the end of the night with him. God only knows what happened. I blacked out.
I had work at 6am the next morning. That worked out well...
Last night I had my doctor appointment and it was dumb. They barely did anything. They told me to go back to my orthopedist, so now I have an appointment with him for this Friday. I just want to feel better.
I completely broke down today. I fucked up so bad the other night. I'm so full of regrets and hatred towards myself. I can't say what I did just yet because no one knows about it.
I wish I could take everything back. I wish I could stop being in so much pain. I keep doing these things to sabotage myself and it's horrible. I don't want to push my friends away but I do. I don't want to cut, but I do. I did tonight.
Today has been a horrible day and I can guarantee that tomorrow will be worse.
i completely understand how you feel right now but regrets are nonsense, you have to accept it happened and you can't change it anymore...
ReplyDeletelove?! is right-you can't change what you did. But you can change what you do from now on! It's easy to fall into the pit of regret and despair, but we need to learn from our mistakes and not do them again-that's all that matters from now on!
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