The fact that I have to get surgery again is ripping me apart. I told my friends very clearly that if I had to get surgery again, my mental state would probably severely worsen.
And oh, have I gotten worse. It seems like every time I hit rock bottom...I get a little lower each time. Things will never get better because there always getting worse. I haven't eaten in like 3 days. I've been cutting, smoking, everything bad you can think of I can almost guarantee I've done lately.
When I need all my friends the most no one is there. I'm more of a loner than I've ever been and it hurts. I need people to lean on but they're to busy with their own shit I guess.
I wish someone would be there for me like I know I would be there for them. No one cares though. But it's fine...I guess I'm used to it. All I want in this world is love. I just want someone to really love me. But that will never happen.
Forget gifts. All I want for Christmas this year is love and happiness. Too bad Santa can't wrap that up and give it to me.
:-( Sending a hug your way. I care.
ReplyDeleteMe too, great big hugs from me :-) You will find love, never give up on finding someone that loves you for you ! I have lost every single friend since i became sick, and i have found my partner and we just got engaged, just keep thinking it only takes one person to be there for you, and anyone else isnt worth your time. I am agoraphobic and dont have ONE single friend, and it was VERY hard to deal with, but I figure it is their loss.
ReplyDeleteNever forget how valuable you are xx
I just came across your blog and have been reading your archive for a while now. You have no idea how much some of the stuff you say also resonates with me. I'm glad that people are reading your blog and commenting to give you some support etc. You are not alone, remember that.
ReplyDeleteI've just started writing about my thoughts and struggles too, even though it's very much 'hush hush' that I suffer with depression. My mum sounds quite similar in many ways to yours.
Although no one can know how you're really feeling, I do have some idea. I am glad you're still fighting and hoping for better days.
Take care and keep going, there are a lot of people who do care and who appreciate your honest writing.
Thanks!
http://thinking-about-leaving.blogspot.com/