No motivation...

I just have absolutely no motivation anymore. No reason to get out of bed, to get dressed, to literally do anything. All I do is sit like a fucking bum and do nothing. 

And I guess no one sees any sort of problem in this. I refuse to leave my house, even talking to people is becoming a seemingly impossible task. I wish I could just sleep the rest of my life away. My anxiety is spiking severely too. I can't control my mind. It's wandering to every bad thought that I don't want to think about. 

How the hell do I get outside of my head? I don't want to be trapped like this. I want to feel better. I don't want to be in this situation. I want to be dead. That's it. That's my goal in life. To stop all the pain. No one listens to me long enough to take me seriously anyway. It sucks. 

I'm never going to be me again. I'm never going to be happy, or enjoy life, or go out with "friends" or do anything. I literally can't find enough energy to open my mouth to respond to my parents when they ask me something. I just grunt. I guess they're used to that though. 

My stupid parents care about my dog more than they care about me. I guess that makes sense. My dog never got pregnant. She never tried to kill herself and she doesn't hate her life and want to die. I would care more about my dog than I would about me too. 

I feel nauseous and depressed and tired and anxious and I don't want to do this anymore. I can't. I've never felt this much pain in my life and I need it to stop.