It never ends!

It really never ends. So you know my scum bag exboyfriend? We broke up like a week ago. Ya know, after I went through the hardest and most traumatic time of my life for HIM, and he already has a new girlfriend. 

Um...Haha I wonder if she knows he got me pregnant. If she knows he FORCED me into an abortion. If she knows he cheated on me. If she knows how much drugs he does. If she knows how much he verbally bashed me every single day. You go girl, you're gettin a real winner!

I make it sound like a big joke, but it actually hurt like hell. Obviously he was cheating on me with her while all this was going on. He didn't even have the balls to tell me himself. I found out through Facebook. Good right? Whatever. Karma is a bitch and he'll get his eventually. 

I haven't been eating at all. I just haven't been hungry. My anxiety is like off the charts and I can't even breathe anymore. 

My fucking best friend moved to Florida yesterday. I went to her going away party and it was fun until I had to say goodbye. I'm no good at goodbyes. They always seem to mean more to me than other people. Like, it really is goodbye for me. I don't know. 

I've been smoking soo much lately too. I need to. Like, I just can't not smoke. I'm drinking this weekend too thank god. It's been wayyyy to long since I've had alcohol. I think about it everyday. How I just wish I was fucked up and drunk so I didn't have to think or feel. 

Wanna hear what else? I'm getting surgery. February 14th. Valentines day. I find that to be quite ironic and funny. 

The pain of any surgery is nothing compared to the pain I felt when I was with him. 

I'm just not thrilled to be getting surgery. Especially when I'm at this much of a downward spiral. It's just funny because I can't talk to anybody about any of this. No one understands. It's all too heavy for them and they don't know how to deal with it so, they just don't. Whatever...we will all see where this leads. They'll all figure it out sooner or later.