How can a person feel such pain, and such numbness all at the same time? It doesn't seem to be possible, but yet here I am. Hurting so badly and all I want to do is cry and scream and cut, yet I sit here stone-faced and calm because my body won't allow myself to feel such emotions. I literally feel as if I have just completely shut down. I just want to feel okay again. Nothing is right...nothing seems worth it. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to hold onto life.
Sometimes when I write I don't even think. The words just seem to come out so smoothly and effortlessly. I have no idea what I've written after the fact. I go back and read what I wrote sometimes and it's amazing how much I can relate to myself and the words that I've written. It's like the emotions are so familiar, but I'm experiencing the words for the first time. It's kind of nice being able to relate to someone...even if it is just yourself. I wish I could stop feeling so alone and hopeless. The constant pain is quite literally killing me. I wish there was something I could do about it, but I can't. This painfully numb emotion is one that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. It really is terrible.
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ReplyDeleteya.. there are many of us out there who feel exactly the same..
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm... Do you often talk to yourself? Ask yourself some questions?
ReplyDeleteDid you forget how feeling works???