I think differently than other people. I see things they don't see. I understand things they can't even begin to imagine. I'm more realistic, down to earth, observant, and aware. I'm not normal. It's not normal. I'm not just talking about like, regular things. Maybe you are going to have absolutely no idea what I'm trying to say, but I'm going to try anyway.
All my life I've felt different. Almost special. Like I can do things and understand things other people can't. I hate myself more than words can describe. But always since I was little, there has always been SOMETHING different that I just don't understand and can't explain. And other people see it in me too. My guidance counselor, teachers, even my parents recognize it sometimes. And for my parents to recognize it, means something is really there.
My whole life I have always wanted to make a difference to someone. I want to make an impact. Change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but the world of somebody. I feel like I was born different. Born with the ability to change something or do something important. I don't know what it is, but I feel so disconnected and different than everyone else.
I have an amazing ability to notice the unnoticeable. Observe the most insignificant of details. Be able to tell when someone is lying. Focus on something like you would never think possible. I'm an amazing writer, and always seem to find the right words to explain something, even when I can't say it outloud. I can always write it. I just feel so overly aware of absolutely everything. And I can read emotions off of someone's face like a book. It's almost like a game sometimes. Like go ahead, try to play me like a fool. I'm smarter than you think. I see through some people like clear plastic wrap. And it's funny because they have no idea. I must have developed that skill because of my sister. Since she has BPD and a million other things, I learned at a young age how to pick out the manipulative lies from the truth. No ones a better liar than her, and she doesn't fool me. Still fools my parents though.
My brain is always going. Never shuts off. It's always thinking about how to do things differently than how something is working now, or always trying to figure out what the other person is thinking. By looking at someone's face, I feel like I can almost read there thoughts based on their composure. It's weird. I've always been like that. I think that's where my anxiety stems from. I'm fully aware of when my presence isn't wanted, or someone is in a bad mood but I don't know why. Social anxiety disorder. I really think my skills in reading other people is a bigger obstacle than it is an asset.
Maybe this all sounds completely crazy. I think that sometimes. That other people must think I'm completely nuts. That frustrates me. I'm not crazy at all. I'm one of the calmest and most down to earth people I know. And listen, for me to give myself any credit whatsoever is ridiculously rare. So you know its not bullshit.
I don't want my life to go to waste. I want to find my purpose. I need to. In order for me to feel important, or like I'm not just wasting a life, I need to be able to do something important. I don't want to do insignificant things. I don't want to work at a bakery and serve people coffee and bagels. Yeah, I'm only 17 and have the whole rest of my life ahead of me, but what if I dont? What if my life ended tomorrow, or next week, or 3 years from now? What will my life have meant? Who will I have affected? Was I just a waste of space and resources?
Maybe I'm not different or special, but I'm at least a hell of a lot more aware of myself and social cues than anyone I know. I get overwhelmed with details sometimes. Like I have to try to remember everything about a new room I walk into, and every feature on a new person I meet. It gets frustrating when I can't absorb everything. My mom notices that about me. She sees how whenever we go into a new area, my eyes are darting everywhere and my brain is going a million miles an hour. I don't know why I do it. I think it just helps me understand more about the world. Why things are the way the are. Why people do certain things.
I'm always that person that has to know why things are the way they are. I hate not knowing, but I hate not understanding more. If I don't understand something, I'll ask a million questions and read about it until I do.
Or I'll write on here and ask you guys for your opinions. Why do you think I'm like that? What can I do in my life to find a purpose, or to help someone else, or just do something important? I feel like I need to do something important. I always feel like it's up to me to save the world. Guess that's why I never bother to try to save myself. But seriously, what can I do? Please give me some input.
Alright, well that's my thoughts of the day. Hope I didn't confuse you as much as I confused myself!
UPDATE:
June 22nd, 2021
Hey guys! The fact that this post is still reaching this much of an audience is seriously amazing. It is one of my favorites that I've ever written and remains very authentic and true to how I feel and see the world. I wanted to let you know that I've started writing again and have a new blog up. If you're interested, you can find it here:
Thanks for all the love over the years.
Hope you all are hanging in there. Much love.
Alana, this is amazing! And no, you're not weird. I think you have a really special gift. While I'm sure I can't understand it completely, I understand where you are coming from a little bit. I have an uncanny ability to know how people are feeling. I remember a time in high school we heard a girl crying in the hallway, and I instantly knew someone had died. For some reason I just knew from the way she was crying. We found out later that someone did indeed die.
ReplyDeleteI think you have an amazing gift that you should definitely try to cultivate. Your heightened sensitivity is not surprising in light of your struggles with depression. I'm sure you already know this, but a lot of super intelligent people struggle with depression. What's wrong with your brain? Nothing-other than that it is probably extra intelligent.
What kinds of things do you like to do? Are you more comfortable around kids or adults, or helping people "from a distance." What could you do to reach out to people? Volunteer at a children's hospital, go visit old people in a nursing home, start an online support group, make something you can donate, or really get creative and try to come up with something on your own. I'm sorry I can't help you more with ideas...but hopefully this will spawn some of your own ideas.
Hi Alana! Reading your story makes me feel much better. I know there are people like me out there but I wish they were closer. I had 99% the same experiences as yours, plus my own and I am sure there is more to your story than just that as well.
ReplyDeleteAs a child I lost many family members that I loved. I have been physically and emotionally abused, mistreated and bullied by kids in school and even teachers. I was a VERY strange kid. I used to go to the ruins of the houses where the grass was tall and I would walk around because it was peaceful and I felt safe there. I loved being outside in the nature. As a kid I had many friends that I loved and I still do but for some reason, most of the time I would go far from everyone to spend time by myself. I used to collect rocks, acorns and odd stuff to play with, even though I had toys. I used to think everyone thinks the same way but I was wrong and Ive learned that the hard way. People don't like strange kids, neither do old or kids. My teachers called me dumb and gave me low grades, my classmates would still my stuff, push me and call me names. I took so much hate in, than I began stealing, and breaking the law...Later I began to go to places without paying and I began to drink alcohol before I even hit teenage years...I had so much anger in me, I wanted to take it out on someone but I couldn't. One time I tried to hit a dog because I thought its okay since I am being hit but I couldn't do it, not kids and not animals. Maybe I was angry but some how I knew it was wrong.No one ever thought me that. I got through, I paid the price...When I got to teenage years I began to understand that I was mad at myself because I am such a weirdo and stupid. I began to give people money, I lost interest in stilling, drinking. I was still treated badly by teachers, lower grades and such but I found better things to do after school. I did dance, gymnastics, history,poetry and other clubs.I began to spend more time at the library. It didn't change the way I felt.As I got older I realized that I want the future, and a good one. I want justice, I want to know everything and everyone. I wanna protect orphans, give them happy life.I want to help poor and all of those things. I began to understand how badly this planet being treated. I just want to help, there must be a reason why I am hear on earth. My brain never stops working, i think day and night. When I listen to music or look at the picture I do NOT hear it or see it;I feel it.My friend thinks its silly because she say you cant feel music any other form of art unless its something you can touch. When I started new school, I got access to new books, bigger crowed of people and I began to learn everything.I learn the way they move, I can tell when they lie or how they feel. I started to read many books. turns out I am good at math and science plus I love almost every subject. Wasn't stupid after all. I have hunger for knowledge which I am not happy about. I wonder about Universe, I put myself in position of other people.Sometimes I imagine to be someone else but I am happy to be me. I thought myself to understand and respect others. Usually when I meet people they tell me what a great mother I have, she raised me right. Well I wish she was like me, but she isnt :( I raised myself, I let older people go in front of me, I open doors to others, i talk to others with respect and I was never thought to do that, never,not by anyone. I also have learned to respect other people space. Heres a question I always ask "How come I understood that on my own when others don't even understand it when they are told?, are they that different?" Well I am scared to look for a guy because I never got boyfriends that ever understood me. I always feel that my life will be long and I have a reason to be here but I cant wait to see what the reason is.
Have you ever had any of those feelings?
There is more to me than that but I dont want to make it to long.
sorry for all the mistakes, I so didn't feel like checking it...I make silly mistakes quite often, I don't like to stop and look unless I feel like writing.I am really tired so I will leave it the way it is today.
DeleteHi Alana weird but i understand everything you just said because I've felt and notice the same thing all of my life ive tried too fit in but I cant and the more i try i feel out of place...lucky you ur parents understand you because I haven't talked to anyone because i fear they'll think I'm crazy and so on. But meanwhile I'm feeling trapped feel like im wasteing my life and etc ,.. I'm 21 and its been that way since I can remember ..my dreams are vivid and they sometimes act out in real life i can sense things and read people energies etc, everything you said sometimes it gets so overwhelming i get seriously depressed I hate crowds too much goin on and I have friends but still feel alone and a few ppl think im weird lol so i jus keep too myself because I'm obviously different from everyone else I cant be crazy because im super smart... And aware so I guess ill talk too ky doctor about it but i fear that also because i know hell give me the crazy look and therpists are annoying I think they don't really wana get to know why they just want to treat it and name it. Btwmy name is Amanda
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteLa Dispute - King Park, Along With Every Other Song On That Album. Listen To It, And Tell Me You Dont Want To Dig Deeper. Listen, Its A Struggle. I Know This Very Well, But, All YOU Can Really Do With yourself. Is Embrace It. Im Not As Observant As You .. I Have A Passion For The Unknown In This World, Thoughts Feelings People Never Knew Or Wanted To Exist. Chin Up, And Maybe You'll Drown A Little Slower. Good-Luck <3
ReplyDeleteAlana, thats a cool name!. I just have to say one thing. You would never be able to read my emotions, haha tell if I'm lying. hahahahahahahaha. Bring it on, lets see what you got!
ReplyDeleteStart off with a compliment, and then mock how Alana feels (and everyone else that has commented on here)! I have felt the exact same as Alana my entire life and I was/am surrounded with judgmental people that have mocked me, even as a joke if this is what you may call it, and it hurts. A lot.
DeleteIf I am being overly sensitive about this because of being mocked and judged so much, then I am sorry, but does anyone else feel so much pain when people say something like this, even as a joke?
yeah this really has made life hard, and i dont see it as a joke either...it is hard for us to say this because of the anxiety and depression it has made us feel...and to say it online is hard....
DeleteAlana, My name is Beth, i'm 19. Thank the heavens i don't feel alone anymore.. I thought i was going to suffer feeling different like this..well.. forever.. but being this special isn't all that great, you have no one you can relate to, you can feel emotions from all around you and read peoples minds almost, you know emotions better than most people can tell. I'm 100% like you, i'm an artist. I feel like theres something out there that i need to do, my depression and anxiety holds me back and half the time i feel like i'm crazy. Trust me this, people like us will be together soon, we need to keep in touch. You're not alone.
ReplyDeleteAlana, it is so relieving to hear somebody else is like me. I feel so alone in my thoughts. I probably can't read people as well as you can, but I do suffer from depression and anxiety. Even though it sucks, having these problems helps me to see the world in a totally different light. I'm an artist, and I feel myself relating to people like Van Gogh(spelling?) who where completely misunderstood, than to normal, regular everyday people. I've realized that I feel emotions 10 times more and 10 times deeper than anyone around me. Sometimes I think I experience some emotions you can't even name or imagine. To me, life is so deep, so meaningful. It's not black and white. It's psychedelically colored, full of life and death; happiness and sadness. I read alot of poetry and stuff because thats the only escape i have where I actually feel like I can relate to someone. Anyways, know that yuo are not alone!
ReplyDeleteHi, I just need to tell you that you're not alone...in text above you described me to...I feel very strange and I dont want to live this life anymore. I want to do something bigger, like making someones life better or world as better place, but I can't breake this cage around me(cage=this slave life we all get when come to this world). If you find some iteresting info please let me know.
ReplyDeleteCheers!
This is going to sound insane, but all my life I have been naturally talented in everything I do whether it's sports, school or just being social and despite all of the advantages that have been given I still feel different as well. I just don't understand it at all. My entire life I have been told I'm different and gifted, but I figure if I am so great why do I always feel like I'm on a different wavelength? Most of the times I picture kids talking like this as weird emos no offense to anyone or anything, but why in the world do we feel so odd like this?
ReplyDeleteNice to hear that there are more people out here similar to me. I just turned 30 and I grew up in the most poorest family that I know. So I have been running the streets since I was 11. I have been naturally talented at everthing that I do. I was always too smart. And I always figured a way around any dangerous situation without being harmed or scared. I don't look like anybody in my family. I'm actually a good looking guy. I have a great natural body. Women love me and I'm also blessed that I can hand pick any female that I want. I have perfect feet. I'm 6 ft. Everyone in my family is 5 and a half feet tall. My eyes changes colors and so does my hair. Every job that I every worked I instantly moved my way to the top. Now I work for myself. I don't cliam to be a leader and never have. I have never wanted to be the man. I just wanted to make money and try to have fun. I have never bragged about anything. Because I was born poor. Foodstamps and church given christmas presents. I don't expect any presents ever. I don't depend on any body or family. I made myself worth a half million dollars in 3 years and 2 years ago I left everything I owned and moved to a beach and have not worked since. And I only brought 25 thousand in cash. And I spent that in 4 months. I make money off women. I don't depend on it but money comes to me everyday. And my mind tells me that nobody can kick my ass and I mean nobody. The reason why I left everything is because my mind told me to. I'm not a crazy person. But I think that something is going to happen soon. And if nothing happens before 2013 then I'm going to build an empire. I feel that I'm some type of hybrid human. And and I know that I'm here for a reason. My parents have lost all their teeth and I never been to a dentist and I don't have a single crooked tooth nor cavities. And I can look at men and they put their head down or look away. I have never been racist. My whole family is. I look at us as humans. If you can explain how I turned out to be a superhuman just repy.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
DeleteI can relate to all of you. The need to be outside, social anxiety, mistreated in childhood, and bullied in adulthood. People say I'm too kind. I love all people, and can read faces. I notice small changes in a room or in an area. I don't always know what has been changed. I'm extremely sensitive. My eyesight is incredible, and I'm very coordinated. I too feel I was created by God to make a difference....
DeleteAtlas Shrugged - Ayn Rand
DeleteOK.... now listen all... if u have all the features as described by Alana.... so as i do have too.... most of u will experience like you dont want to hurt people but no one other than you know the best way how to hurt them, the more knowledge i have the more details i look for in an object... do u still watch cartoons nd love it... mine is Mr. bean animated.... one thing why i feel different f u ask someone what character u like in tom and jerry cartoon,,, most reply jerry.. but i like tom coz i notice every single expression in him which amuse me... during exams i couldn't solve the most simple question but i did solve the question which other student couldn't... i am fighting with my life since i was a kid... nd u know y... every one who accessed this blog will know y.... tc
ReplyDeleteIt's like you're speaking as me. It's crazy, I completely understand you. I feel that people avoid me because I see things in a different light like there's something out there that I need to find. I thrive upon changing things for the better and I feel as if I have something I need to do to change the world somehow. You're not normal, by god no but who needs normality, normal is another word for conformed in my eyes. In school teachers don't understand me, I have to give an opinion on everything and don't get me started on other pupils. (I'm 13 by the way)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, enough about me...
Keep strong and be yourself.
Peace!
~ Shauna <3
Wow, after reading your blog post, I feel like I just read a biography! I’ve felt like this from a very small age too – and have exhaustingly researched the topic in attempt to find out WHY I feel this way. I would love to know what part of my brain is different from that of an average human, and why/how it causes me to feel like this.
ReplyDeleteComfortingly enough, I have stumbled upon several others who feel this way. Some describe it as having Empathic Psychic Sensory abilities – which I have looked into. Many of the characteristics do match how we feel about sensing the world around us. But, it still doesn’t answer the big looming “why?” factor. Would love it if I had the money to see a professional therapist, and maybe gain answers there, but no such luck. Good luck in your journey and just remember that what makes you different & special is what makes you a beautiful person. I’m betting you do make a tremendous difference to at least a few people. Following the herd gets you nowhere in life, so being different already puts you on the correct path to changing the world.
Hi Alana thank you so much i feel THE EXACT SAME way in every aspect i feel so special and so different Like i have a important mission in this world. Thank god their are people out their like myself Wow thank you I really see things differently i OBSERVE WAY TOO MUCH i see things that well not see but feel and notice things people do not normally and people would blame and think i am weird but really i do not know a gift i suppose i think we have to use it right. Just everything that is written is exactly how i feel xxx Much Love darling.
ReplyDeleteMy name is Danielle. I'm 18 & have always felt the exact way you are feeling to this day. In verbatim, I just searched Google for "Why do I feel so different from everyone else?". This is the first written word I saw. I've struggled with the feeling all my life. I have anxiety & maybe this is a reason behind it? But I do thank you so much for posting this. Makes me feel great on the inside that I'm not the only "prophetic" thinker. Thank you so much.
ReplyDeleteMy name is Carson and I am 19 years old. I've also suffered from the same symptoms listed above; however, it's a bittersweet kind of suffering. I have no idea what to do with my life. I feel as if I've reached a dead end. I know how much potential I have, but I can't figure out what direction I need to head in. I'm so tired of being angry at myself. Some days I want to end it all, but I can feel such greatness inside of me. My head and heart are strong, but my will is diminishing on a daily basis. Where should I go? What should I do? My life is something wonderful but I can't figure out where to apply my knowledge. I need to know the next step for people like us. What happened to you guys? Where are you now?
ReplyDeleteim at the dead end also dont know where i should go i cant put it in words but in my mind it all is so clear
DeleteOHMYGOODNESS! I just can't believe this! I have felt so totally different from everyone else, this also explains a lot of how I feel. This has brought me to tears - of happiness! Because for once I don't feel so alone.
ReplyDeleteI have stayed up many nights trying to figure out why I feel so different from everyone and tonight I finally got the courage to google it, and this was the first thing I got. I must thank you for being brave enough to put this out there on the internet. And I thank everyone else for commenting saying they feel the same. For once in my life, I feel normal.
This is an amazing story. I have always felt different and have had a hard time with understanding why people don't get the things I do...I just think some things are common sense and expect more out of people when they don't understand and get aggravated when they don't. I realized it was me... I have always been able to sense bad energies and feel what people are feeling... i feel when i am unwanted and always get these weird types of feelings that always come out to be right. example: told my sister i got a bad vibe about her future roommate not to do it, but she did anyway..in the end they hate each other and are not friends...i told my brother he was to comfortable with drinking and driving and hes going to get a DWI real soon...2 weeks later he did....i told me ex in a parking lot i feel hes hiding being in contact with his ex...and later that night she came over at 2:45am and made him choose between us...not only things like this, but always have had a lot of people tell me im different but in a good way...and when i ask what do they mean..they cant ever describe it...so many different people have told me this...and i do always feel the need to help people...i have have my bad mistakes but now i am the best person i can...but i get such bad luck constantly..medically and with family and friends...i still treat them as i want them to treat me but they do insane things to me and make me feel like im the only crazy person not seeing whats happening..i am always oberving...people get put off guard cause i always smile and laugh to help with the depression of feeling like an outsider..i just wish i knew why i am this way and what to do with it...what is its meaning?? we all know there is very few like this out there...just want to know if its something i meant to use and help with or what is its purpose and why me??
ReplyDeleteDoes anyone else get like they feel their luck is extremely bad but you are a good person..and you dont understand why all this piles on you....when you do your best to be a great person....it could be stuff accidental..but im 24 and had a heart attack...thats not usual...so i always get depressed i feel i have such bad luck..and get crazy feeling because noone else sees all i am going through and mocks it or doesnt believe it...and i am still so strong at the same time....am i the only who feels this way?
ReplyDeleteThis sounds similar to myself. Maybe dyslexia? It may not be but I have been diagnosed
ReplyDeleteman this is phenomenal, I don't know what it is myself, but my vibe is extremely different from others. It takes longer for me to explain myself because people do not perceive things the way I see them, but once they do, its almost like they have an epiphany or something. Ever since I was young, I have been told I am wise beyond my years, and I have great advice, but ironically I do not know which advice to give myself. How can I be respected and acknowledged as a unique person if all people do is shy away from me or mock me for being so different from them?..... Its a bittersweet pain indeed.
ReplyDeleteThat's the story of me. I feel the same way as you feel guys. I though I was the only one, but I'm not. I notice things what other people don't.. and everything that you wrote is 99% me. It would be awesome to get to know you all (By the way I am 19 year old)
ReplyDelete:)
My email: priesingas@gmail.com
I feel the same and always have. around 99% of what you say for you happens to me. i was bullied for my 2 years kindergarten and through grade 1-8... i was considered a freak because i was good at almost everything except English (reading/spelling/writing)... i was also diagnosed with Dyslexia. everyone made fun of me and beat on me. all the teachers did was force me to stay inside and make me do schoolwork or random things. it made the bullying become worse. all people came to me for was relation ship advice or for me to tell them how a certain person is when they cant find out themselves. on top of that i used to be able to predict things that made it worse. in order to get away from it i locked myself in my room away from people and just daydreamed or doodled all day. the other thing i did was go for long walks in parks and places that people hardly go to... im actually afraid and shy to go out and meet new people because of it. im even more shy and afraid to talk to guys because they all say im kind smart funny and beautiful, but when they find out i like them they push me away start calling me names a freak and the opposite of what they said before... i wish you luck on figuring out what you want to do for your future. :D always look ahead and not back for it is what is to come that is more important that what has passed... thank you for letting me know im not alone on this one
ReplyDeleteI honestly thought I was alone.
ReplyDeleteYou stole the words from my mouth...I thought I was the only one who felt this way. Just found this site 10 minutes ago and so glad I did. I feel like people like us are here for a purpose , just wish I knew what it was. Still trying to figure that one out....It can drive you crazy sometimes. I also hate knowing what other people are thinking/ feeling. Feels like you're on one side of a wall and the rest of the world is on the other. Makes it much harder to be sociable, but it also can be a gift to your close friends and family if you let it....so happy I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteHoly crap I thought I was the only one, I've always been like that, and I just found this a few minutes ago and now I don't feel so alone, thank you for posting this, you basically have described a lot of my life in that..thank you...just thank you
ReplyDeleteHello,
ReplyDeleteIts extremely good to hear that I am not the only one that is like this.
My mind was different than others. I could process things more faster and be able to know feelings/emotions. Seems like every day to me is a book. I know what's happening, I know what people are thinking of. I am just glad that i'm not the only one.
Though I don't know what our purpose is either and neither can answer your question.
Wow, it is great to know that I am not alone in this world! As I was reading this, I was shocked, I had absolutely no idea until this point that there was another person with such abilities.
ReplyDeleteI have noticed all of my life that I am different, I am socially different, no one understands me but I understand them more than they will ever know. I have an amazing ability to observe my surroundings. With that ability I have become a marksment with long range rifles, and anything I pick up that shoots. I see it as a higher advantage. I am extremely interested in technology and computer code. I have been studying programming languages the past two years. I have this powerful motivation to be the best I can be in everything I do no matter what it is. My goal in life it to exceed above any limit any human has ever put on themselves or I. If something is considered impossible, I want to make it possible. I want to lead this world into the new age of technology. One of my goals is to build a new Operating system, but I do not want to stop there, I want to build things that I can't ever comprehend. I am constantly told that I am the most confusing person anyone knows, Which I believe is true. My mind is constantly working, 24/7 there is no end to it. I am constantly thinking of how I can change or make something. I value life more than anyone around me could imagine, Life is life, and there is only a limited time to do what you can do with it, Why waste it? I only hate one thing in this world, and that is hate itself. I would take a bullet for anyone I know. I am not saying that because I see it in the movies, I would literally take a bullet for just about anyone, to hopefully give them a chance at life. I am extremely kind hearted, well mannered, loving, calm, relaxed, and cautious. I believe there is more to life than what we can see, hear, taste, or smell. I want to find out what it is. I have no idea what to do about myself, I love who i am but highly dislike myself at the same time. I am like no one in my family, Mom, Dad, Sister, I am just different, I do not have what I would call a "Good friend", I find it hard to get a girlfriend yet I understand women more than Any man i know. I am just scared of myself and them. The reason i say myself is because everytime i get close to a girl and break up its literally destroys their life. I have one EX that is going through a lot of depression because I broke up with her, there is a girl at school that got close to me, and now that she understands we will not be dating, She is basically destroyed. I feel terrible that I have the power to destroy lives, and that I accidentally use it. I can tell what a person is like, who they really are, why personality they have, and whether or not there someone I should be around within seconds of entering the room. I have amazingly above average hearing, sight, and smell.
Im sorry if thats hard to read, Its late and i don't have time to correct it.
But what i'm getting to is, I am not normal, Not many people like me because they don't understand me. I understand the world, and the universe more than the average person.
Here are a few things about me that may help us understand "Why" we are like this:
I am badly Dyslexic
I have more brain that the normal human, since birth
I have a hard time with social environments
I can understand things NO one else can.
I and extremely emotional
I have very much love and passion
I view life differently than others
I am extremely skilled at anything I do (Almost anything)
I have a shocking way with words
I have a need to learn
It is necessary that ik what's going on at all times
I could keep typing all night if i wanted to.
By The Way!
I am by no means bragging about any of my gifts, I am just wanting answers, As of all of this.
But atleast i can go to be at nights knowing there is someone, somewhere, that understands who i am, and how i think.
me too, reading your list is like writing my own. I still don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. But, we are different and I want to know why. I found this on accident. I was just goggling why does my brain work so differently and here I am. When I read Alana's blog, I just started bawling because I was so happy to see that I am not the only one that has THIS what ever it is. What have you found out? There has to be a reason we are like this, right. I am getting tired of people looking at me like I am the crazy one, when I talk about the issues that are happening right under our noses and know one cares unless it directly affects them. Why do we see so much more than others do? Help, I don't know what to do.
DeleteI was just at a counseling session and i tried to describe these same things but i count put it into words. I don't struggle with depression or anxiety. I am just plain bored. I have hyper sensitivity to others emotions and hyper attention to detail. I can replay memories in my head like videos and i can usually take quick videos of where i am going when i Am driving.There have been many instances where i have had to point something out that i have noticed but they still don't understand what I'm trying to show them. I am turning 30 next month and i have been dealing with this my entire life. I have always related to older people better than people my own age.
ReplyDeleteI wish i had a better understanding of this phenomenon.
Dave
Hi Alana. I found your post not by accident today. See I am 42 years old and as long as I remember I felt the same way as you do. I want you to know you are not alone and although you can not see as far you will make it to my age and beyond.
ReplyDeleteYou see dear heart, you feel different because you are special. The world has changed in a lot of ways over the past 50 or so years. It has changed for the worst.
You are a person that sees this and become very dis heartened because of it. I assure you that the reason you feel so out of place is because you are in tune and it is the multitudes of folks out there that don't have a clue. You will change things just by being you and fulfilling your purpose.
You do have many purposes you just don't know exactly what they are. But as time goes on and as situations present themselves you will know how to handle them. Don't be afraid. Look at the world around you and show the universe that you are here to do what you have to do. In the meantime concentrate on this. All things have science behind them. Learn the science that most interest you and master it.
Weather it be singing, dancing, sports, chemistry, medicine or whatever. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOOD AT!!! Once you have mastered it, then come the hard part. Not hard for you but for the people that insist they know what is better for you than you. AND USE YOUR MASTERED SCIENCE FOR THE GREATER GOOD... Do not fall to peer pressure or manipulation. For God's sake, stay with the positive winners. Not the negative losers. Take care of your health and spirituality. If you help one person, you have changed the world. Ever heard of the butterfly effect?
Somehow I think you are going to have a positive effect on many. I won't tell you how I know this, it will only confuse you.
Be of good faith Dear Heart... Remember... There are those that will treat you unkindly because they are jealous of your gift and purpose. If they knew what we know, they would say "Better you than me"!!! Not to scare you, but it is a difficult life path but also very, very fulfilling. You'll make it just fine. You will do extraordinary things.
You are Gods Beloved...
Seeing and reading everyone's words has given me authentic hope. I honestly thought I was the only one. Thank you Alana & everyone else who feels the same.
ReplyDeleteOMG I'm so glad I found this blog, u sound like u have just described me. I'm 35 and hate the feeling of not being wanted etc. Recently people have questioned my sexuality because i'm different, i'm straight but have had so many people asking if I was either guy,bi or A. I'm currently not in a relationship & don't have kids, so to a lot of people i'm different?? I'm not that sort of person that bounces from one bloke to another nor do I fancy women..I fancy men only & have been out with a couple of men. Perhaps I don't rush in due to seeing a lot of my friends & family get hurt, I really don't know..But one thing I know is i'm not gay or bi. I think people have changed and work ethics have changed too, there is a lot of that don't care attitude. Then like u I care about people want to help, want to work etc then people see that as being different I really just don't understand why?? I do suffer from depression & anxiety and feel so alone due to being different. I went and saw a good friend who I feel was taking the mick with her boss out of me, I really just wanted to leave & cry. I have a lot of friends but not real friends as I don't fit in, to be honest most of my friends I feel like that just use me. I feel like that sort of person that is picked up when needed & put down when not required.
ReplyDeleteI don't even know how I found this but like are you me or are you me? We are 500% the same person, and were actually the same age, too. I know I have no idea who you are but seriously, can we have a conversation about life sometime?! Because I am not exaggerating- we. are. the. same. person. As creepy as this comment sounds. I knew I wasn't crazy, and honestly I've even thought maybe I'm slightly autistic or something. When I was in first grade I was tested and I am a "gifted" person. I guarantee you are, too.
ReplyDeleteMy mind is beyond blown right now. It's rare that I am this speechless.
Fun fact: I graduated at semester and I'm about to start my freshman year of college in a week, majoring in digital media production with an emphasis in film. I'm going to be an independent filmmaker (journalism is my passion and my talent and to be able to say my passion and talent are the same reminds me how blessed I am to be my unusual self). I wanted to go into news but I recently found my purpose (long amazing story): I'm going to spend the first half of my college graduate life volunteering for non-profits in 3rd world countries, using my ability to understand people and learn and my outlook on life to create documentaries and bring them back to the U.S. and ya know, win an Oscar at some point. ;)
I've been told people see God in me. I am so blown away I found this blog. We seriously have to be friends. I'm not creepy nor am I crazy, promise haha.
-Erika
I am on a similiar wavelength, although I have always thought that this 'mundane' life was not where I was supposed to be born. I have always felt completely different than the rest of the human race. Its like this: I go anywhere, and I look around at people, and to me they all seem so damn delusional. They all seem to accept the world as it is, and me, I'm totally dissatisfied with it. Its too boring. Too dull. Too 'mundane'. I have oft times felt I was born in the wrong reality; that I should have been born into a reality that had all the neat fantasy stuff I read about. THAT is the world I belong in, because that kind of thing fits who I am. Now, I find myself living in my head (when not at work, or some such) because the world in my head is where I should be, not in this 'reality'. I feel about as far removed from the rest of society, indeed from the rest of the human race, as an elephant is from a rock.
ReplyDeleteOh, and to be clear (and I know this sounds sooo bad, but..) I have no desire to help others, so much. Those close to me, sure. Strangers? Not so much. Why? Because I just don't understand their 'plight'. Its not that I'm rich, or something. I'm dirt poor. I guess I just have my own problems, and if I can't solve those, then I don't see how I could ever solve someone else's.
DeleteI've always been the same, I felt as if I was reading my own story. I'm currently in nursing school. As I found a great sence of belonging.
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeletemy name is angelica and im 13 years old. I know exactly what you mean. My whole life ive felt like no one ever understood me. Im the person who sees the things no one else notices or cares about. i know what you mean about being to tell what someone is feeling. i can read people like books. I have this thirst for knowledge. I always look for answers. but i dont always find them and that kills me. im an introvert. im really shy. ive never talked to any one about my feelings to anyone. i thought i was crazy. this is the first time i had enough couage to research. i have tons of stress. i have hyperhidrosis. i also have ADD.
everyone thinks that they know me. everyone thinks im a regular teenage girl. but im not. my mind is a battle field. because of my curiousity, ive strayed from my religion. im supposed to be a christian. on top of that, my parents fight constantly. i wake up to their arguiing in harsh whispers. my parents also want to move to florida. i live in the midwest right now and i dont want to leave everything behind. do you have any advice?
And i forgot to add, i ve felt like i have a purpose of meaning in life. i want to help others. i hate bullies. i myself have been bullied but i fought against them with words and that made them respect me. i see stray animals n the streets and i feel something inside me churn. i want to help them. i see the homeless in the streets of chicago and i feel the same thing. My goal in life is to leave a mark on the world. i want people to remember me by what i did to make earth a better place. i want to stop kidnappings, rapings, murders, and so on. do you feel the same?
ReplyDeleteAngelica you are a very good person. My name is Benjamin and I am 16 years old. I notice things like that too, people just don't seem to care about anything sometimes, Especially other peoples feelings.
DeletePeople sometimes wander how I know them so well just by looking at them.
I see it as a higher advantage in our social life, professional life, and our relationships. Without knowledge you are nothing, keep looking and you will eventually find the answer. I used to be VERY shy until i made the decision to change my life into a more Social life, holding in feelings causes a ton of stress and can easily lead to suicide, especially in teens. I suggest opening up to someone you trust very much. If you can not think of anyone, the person will come in time. I promise.
People will never know or get you unless they have our personality type (mentioned below), it is nearly impossible. Only 4.2% of the Earths population has our personality type. I understand straying from your religion, I am not going to persuade you ether way but I personally am a Christian but I do have a lot of curiosity due to the lack of answers. My parents used to have problems so I know what you mean by all of that, it is terrible, all I can say is stay strong, take care of yourself before anyone else though with our mindset, that may be hard, it is for the best. Without you this world will not get the help and love you are going to one day provide to many.
You do have a purpose in life, and that is to do what your heart is telling you to do. Its never too early and its never too late. I knew someone who committed suicide due to being bullied, it has impacted my life and nearly Everyone in my school to the point bullies barley exist in my school anymore, if someone is caught being a bully they are punished by higher authority immediately. It is the perfect school for our personality, but I think the cost was too precious. A life, someone who could have been much more in this world, gone because of a bully. Yes Angelica, you definitely have a place in this world.
When you said, "My goal in life is to leave a mark on the world." that is what sealed the deal, You are truly awesome and I want to see you on some big news channel or show one day helping people.
The conclusion is, yes I feel the same, and I am sure many others do as well...
Here is a post I posted about an hour before I replied to your comment:
Everyone, I Think I Have Found Our Answer...
I think everyone on this blog has the INFP Personality type. If not all, Most do.
Here are a few links that explain why I think this:
{I gave many links so at least one will be usefull for you.}
(Excuse the adfly links, the actual urls were too long)
http://adf.ly/e2CL2
http://adf.ly/e2CQM
http://adf.ly/e2CWf
http://adf.ly/e2CZn
http://adf.ly/e2CbI
http://adf.ly/e2CqU
http://adf.ly/e2DZY
http://adf.ly/e2DhS
Here are some famouse people with the INFP personality, a lot of it will supprise you:
http://adf.ly/e2D1n
I truly hope this helped, please let me know in the replys below!
It explained a lot to me about myself.
Hope it helps!
Benjamin,
DeleteThank you so much. Im hanging in there. Lately we recieved knews that the job my dad applied for in florida had not accepted him. for now im not moving. ive been submerging myself in music. i play the viola and im dedicating my time to it. i have amazing friends that i hangout with as much as possible. they make me forget whats going on. my parents are still arguing but some things take more time to change. i feel like my life is slowly falling back into place. ive read your reply literally 10 times. i find it easier to tell someone i ont know wht i feel than someone i do kn0w. i went to the websites and i found that that personality is so me. on top of that, i think im in love. im not sure if its crush but its definately a strong feeling. hes a close friend of mine. I honestly didnt think someone would reply to me. but out of the billions of people in the world, you were the one to answer. THANK YOU SO MUCH. i mean it.
Everyone, I Think I Have Found Our Answer...
ReplyDeleteI think everyone on this blog has the INFP Personality type. If not all, Most do.
Here are a few links that explain why I think this:
{I gave many links so at least one will be usefull for you.}
(Excuse the adfly links, the actual urls were too long)
http://adf.ly/e2CL2
http://adf.ly/e2CQM
http://adf.ly/e2CWf
http://adf.ly/e2CZn
http://adf.ly/e2CbI
http://adf.ly/e2CqU
http://adf.ly/e2DZY
http://adf.ly/e2DhS
Here are some famouse people with the INFP personality, a lot of it will supprise you:
http://adf.ly/e2D1n
I truly hope this helped, please let me know in the replys below!
It explained a lot to me about myself.
I'm an ENFP, and even though I'm an extrovert meaning that we're most likely to be going-out person, it's not like that at all, INFP and ENFP is almost same in characteristic, I can relate to it..
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI can say what everyone else is saying,I can tell you I feel and think the way you do.Ever since I was young lad I was more mature and adapted to learning then any other person,I learned how to read and write myself,how to look at people and understand there feelings like I've felt them before.I never really understood why and I Probley won't ever know?Atleast we all know that weer not alone,there's finally people that are like us.You wrote this two years ago,I don't know if you've finally figured out the reasons why?And if not your mind will,it's a powerful thing and it'll eventually make everything clear.All of you take care and remember your not alone,and never will be.It feels like I'm constanley insane,no one seemed to understand why I thought and saw things diffrentley compared to them,so I stopped letting myself loose,I managed to adapt and learn the way other "normal" people behaved and used it as a defence mechanism.I Constanley look at the world and realise ask myself so many questions,I read that someone referred everyone else as a "human being or human species" and I often use that term,I find myself so unlike everyone else that I refer them to human beings.We are all intelligent here,we all want to change the world,we all believe we are going to become someone who was born for something special?And we all are,even if it means that we have to come together to make it happen!Albert Einstein suffered the same and look what he achieved?He suffered from depression and anxiety and looked at the world differently,he didn't like the role of being ordered like a rat.And I'm guessing all of you here don't like taken orders,YOU can't take orders?Were so much more intelligent then people realise!as soon as we come together we can change this world for the good.Ive enjoyed reading this it's made me realise that I'm not the only one who thinks and acts differently to everyone else,and now I've decided to boost my knowledge to the best of my ability!So thank you?
ReplyDeleteI stumbled across your blog and I couldn't believe how much I related to what you wrote. I've been dealing with depression as well and and I think it stems from the very fact that our type of personality is able to sense every little thing that the people around us give off - whether it's intonation, facial expressions or body language. We take in the smallest of details and are so sensitive to those details that it feels as though we're going crazy because it seems we're the only ones that experience it.
ReplyDeleteUntil recently, I thought that it was more a curse than anything else, but the fact is that it's a beautiful thing. We have something that very few people will ever experience. It's a skill, or a superpower if you will, that comes to us naturally. We can understand, empathize even, with those we barely know. How many people do you know who can easily slip into someone else's shoes, or sense their thoughts through the intonation of their voice?
I think our type of personalities are made to bring people together - to size up a room and figure out what's out of balance and what needs to be done to bring about that balance. It's a beautiful gift that takes a toll on its bearer, and so retreat is often needed to feel refreshed instead of drained, otherwise we get depressed because we're giving more than we're getting in return.
I highly recommended taking an online Myers-Briggs test (a personality test). It helped me so much in understanding who I am and what my strengths and weaknesses are. It might help you better understand why you feel/think/act the way you do. It may also help you sort out what kind of career best suits you. (I'm an ENFJ by the way, and it suggests teaching, which I'm currently on my way to doing).
Above all, know that you're not alone. Though they may be few, there are definitely people in this big ol' world that experience the same thoughts and feelings as you do. :)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWow.dont know what to even say.i finally feel like there's people that have the same feelings, even though I feel like it makes life harder being this way....that's only becasue it's so hard to actually relate to people in a deep way....but at the same time it's the biggest gift....and I'm so happy I have it....it lets you appreciate the beauty of life...to understand life...to have. Athirst for life...I just neeef someone to express my ideas, nod to hear someone else's takes and ideas and appreciate the things in life the way I do, and I be curious to get answers....and just go byond the regular thinking....
ReplyDeleteI felt as if I was reading my life, and you're the same age as me!
ReplyDeleteI can't begin to express how similar we are in the way we think, and even think of ourselves. I never thought I'd come across someone so descriptive of how "different" they find themselves. Which indeed is exactly how i've felt my entire lifetime.
I've always had this inkling that i'm more "unique" / different than others, and my morals and perspectives on life are different. I can't begin to describe exactly what it feels like. It's a mixture of isolation, advantage, anxiety, loneliness, and more.
I adore art, music (not the typical mainstream radio pop), movies, acting, singing, writing (yes!! I love it just as much as you do!) and even baking! But, nobody that i've ever met enjoys the same interests as I do. You'd think, i'd meet at least one person who would have similar tastes, but it hasn't happened just yet.
I'm not book smart- i'm street smart. Some of my closest friends have called me "wise grandma" because I give uplifting and genius advice. (Just like you- you gotta give me credit for being honest with myself and everyone- I have common sense.)
Common sense is something that is not so common anymore, and that's a shame. I find it hard to connect with peers who have little to no common sense. I think it's one of my characteristics that makes me down to earth as well!
As for the making a difference in the world- I TOO have always had this dying passion to inspire or make a huge change in either someone or the world itself! One way that i've always wanted to achieve that is by my art. If that doesn't work out, I want to pursue acting and singing on the side. If i become successful, I want to speak out/up for people struggling with either health problems, poverty, or even anxiety/depression.
I know it's a long stretch and all, but if there's one way I could settle this "i'm different" debacle is by facing my dreams head on. I hope I really do find myself, and what i'm meant to do on this earth.
I hope you do as well. :")
Thank-you for this post, you have given me hope and a sense of equality. We're in this together!
All the best,
Nat xx
Hi everyone, I thought I'd add my comment too. Im 18 and I have the same thing, but in the last year i've felt so much more alienated and weirded out and upset by it. I thought silly things like it must be because I am an only child and I spend m ore time thinking and on my own, or because I'm a Pisces and things like that but I doubt it is :')
ReplyDeleteI've always been a sensitive person, and a bit more quiet and thoughtful than others, but I had a really happy childhood and I felt pretty normal until I moved school for sixth form. Such a bad idea because I didn't fit in so I analysed people socialising a LOT more and i felt like such an outsider. I think I developed social anxiety - I was pretty much fine before then. And for about a year since then I haven't felt normal since, like it's more than not fitting in, it's like a deep rooted feeling in my core, haha. Like even though I've moved back to my old school with my old friends, I feel incredibly different and misunderstood. And like no one gets it! They just say stop worrying..
I analyse everthing and the meaning in every social interaction now, and I think it's just having a real understanding and insight on everything. If that makes any sense? :') it's like everything has a bigger meaning, and you can read so much from one little thing... I think about things a lot and their meaning, and it's pretty exhausting feeling things so deeply and thinking about how complex life and everything is, all of the time, unable to be distracted by mundane everyday things. Do you get really distracted by your thoughts?
Recently I've been upset about it, I don't think its a good thing. It makes life very interesting, observing it so much but, I think ignorance is bliss, and simple-minded people who think less, and don't observe and analyse seem a lot happier and free and JM really jealous of that, like I just don't get how everyone else seems so shallow sometimes. I want to be more confident and chatty and charismatic and I feel like this analytical way of thinking holds me back and makes me quiet and introverted and the opposite of who I want to be, basically i hate my personality, i analyse others' personalities to death. I just get so down about who I am. I think I have got depression and I think its from this. I just want to live my life and be happy, not analyse and think about it so much!
I don't know if there is a cause, like being too clever or sensitive or a bad childhood or whatever, but I do worry that its just that some people arent suppose to live in the moment, they are just there to watch others live theirs?
I feel like Charlie in the perks of being a wallflower gets it pretty well, is that what you mean?
I dunno I don't think its a good thing. It's unhelpful and distracting, but it does make things interesting. Please feel free to talk to me, my email is Marie_hill@outlook.com :) Aah this is so long I'm so sorry, thanks for reading my rambling rant!! I tried to be as concise as possible :')
Well, I found your post because I too feel myself different from others! Cheers! :)
ReplyDeleteI couldn't believe how much alike we are. For years, I've always felt different the rest. I was mistreated and bullied as a kid. My "sisters" kept calling me autistic and would laugh at me whenever I cried. I've been told that I was "weird" and that no one would ever love me. I had a really complicated family and were also in complicated situations. People always come and go in my life... and I just eventually learned how to handle myself and carry on. No one ever thought me how to do this or do that. People say that I am smart, kind and understanding. They probably thought I was raised well in a nice, wealthy family, but they have no idea. They see me as a regular, cheerful person (But recently, my closest friends started to notice that I was truly different from the rest) Behind everything, I've been living with this emptiness, this sadness. I, too have experienced anxiety and depression and I felt like I was being held captive underwater with all these demons surrounding me. I almost went completely insane and even thought of killing myself, but luckily I didn't. So it wasn't my time...
ReplyDeleteAnyways, there were so many things that I find weird.. unlike others, I'd rather stay up late, go outside (alone) and ponder amongst the stars. I have so many questions running around my mind, but I rather keep them to myself because I know that people couldn't understand no matter how hard I try to explain. Sometimes I feel like this isn't all real. That we've been living in fantasy all along and such. I don't know.. And it's kind of weird... maybe I have this gift or so.. that some random word pops up into my brain (some I haven't heard before) I look them up and it kind of says something about what I'm in right now, what I'm feeling or something.
Also, I think I'm starting to have that deep connection to others. That I could sense what they're feeling and sometimes even what they're thinking. There was this time that I looked into my friend's eyes and I actually panicked. It was like looking directly at the sun. There's something really deep and strong... It felt like I dove into the deepest parts of the ocean and uncovered what was hidden beneath... It was a black hole - of sadness. It's kind of rude, but I avoided her as much as I could (her eyes!) I just couldn't handle looking at them everytime, the intensity...
And one time, I looked into my other friend's eyes... I saw something so unique and beautiful. It was different... Deep down, I could feel his warmth and tender care, his kindness, his innocence. He may be chill on the outside, but he's more than what he appears to be.
There's just so many things, but anyways.. I hope that one day, we could all find our sole purpose and bring forth peace and harmony to this world. And that we could finally all be understood and loved..
It's so incredible and wonderful to read about someone feeling exactly as i do. I can totally identify with both paragraphs. The first, especially though, really resonates with me. People are so surprised when i really open up and tell them how i truly feel (scared, anxious, worried, angry, depressed, empty) They always seem so shocked and say things like 'I'd never have guessed' or 'But you come across so calm and sorted'. It's frightening...either people are so much less intuitive than the way i experience the world, or i'm exceptionally good at hiding how i feel (to the point i rarely get the support or understanding i crave). I don't know which is worse.
DeleteI can also totally understand why you try and avoid your friend. I get a sense of energies from people too, especially through their eyes. I can feel utter terror or overwhelming love and comfort from a single look from someone. I struggle to deal with how people choose to behave because i always see people's positive potential so when they behave negatively it shocks me. My Mum always says 'Try and see the life they're living, not their light within'.
Dear Alana,
ReplyDeletei feel exactly the same as your descriptions in your post. I searched 'why do i feel so different to everyone else' in Google this evening after an overwhelming sense of loneliness this evening. I can't switch my mind off either; it is constantly, constantly running, to an exhausting degree. I can read people like a book too, from what must be minor clues in their facial expressions, tone of voice, posture etc. I'm guessing i pick up on them subconsciously and process them, but what it feels like is, quite simply, a 'knowing' sensation. I feel it is sometimes more a curse than any kind of gift because it is tiring and isolating. I also often stay quiet even though there is so much to say in my head. I think it's because all this information I notice is like a thousand voices all shouting out about different things at the same time and i don't know where to start or how to get a word in edge ways. I often reply to what i know a person is feeling, rather than what they've said and i am either greeted with alarmed vulnerability or comments like 'i never tell anyone this...'. I often get people opening up to me without even prying into their business and i regularly get asked for directions, even if i'm in a town for the first time. I can only assume i look like i have a certain belonging, which is ironic given that i so often feel i don't belong. I walk into a room and could tell you within seconds who likes who, who's having a bad day, who's hiding a secret. I am also bombarded by my own brain, with a thousand questions about objects in the room. I can't just look at things without a torrent of 'why's, 'how's and 'i wonder's....'i wonder who picked that particular frame for that particular picture? i wonder who made the frame? was it hand made? was it made in a factory? I wonder how many hands have picked it up in the shop before it ended up here?' I get clear pictures sometimes of where things are from or where people are going. I can see a person walk by the window and i get a crystal clear image of where they're going and how they feel about going there. It's like for a split second i am that person. It's the same when i sense other's emotions; i feel what others feel, sometimes to the point i feel my heart may seize up. I hug trees in the park and i feel like they say to me 'It's ok, there's no rush'. I connect well with people and many people feel close to me but it takes such an extraordinary connection for me to feel i am close to someone or like they get me as much as i get them. Occasionally, i have a conversation with someone who seems to 100% understand what i'm saying and it feels like when you wake in the night, completely parched but too tired to get up, then realise you have about 3 sips of water left in a glass next to your bed. Glorious. But these connections are few and far between and often fleeting.... I've also struggled with depression for about 10 years but have never had any medication (much to the frustration of Drs) I just know that i would overthink the medication and the affect it may or may not be having and it would make me worse. I've always wanted to search and think and question my way through my depression and thanks to CBT, i have managed, recently, to make a break through towards positivity. I find the world both exhilarating and utterly overwhelming. Life is too much and not enough all in one breath. I'm sorry to ramble and essentially thought vomit into a response.
Essentially, thank you for making me feel less alone, even for one evening. I hope that, 3 years on from your post, you've found somewhere or someone to feel at home with.
Hi Alana!
ReplyDeleteWe could sit somewhere all day long, comparing ourselves. Which one is better than the other. Hahaha... Kidding. I am like you, in a different version. I'm unrealistic. I love fantasy, fairy tales, and their friends. I hate reality! Bcoz it's limited and usually dissapointing. I mean, not meeting our expectations. So I extremely used to feel like I have no place here on earth, for as we all know, fairy tales do not exist. Hahaha... At first, I kinda felt bad about being a divergent. Hahaha... Seriously, I got multiple personalities. I'm cold, harsh outside. Manly. But inside, I'm fragile, gentle, has deep insights, and easily cry. Girly. Hahaha... You will hardly find a man of war, who loves violence, or simply Conan the barbarian who also loves romance, such as roses, poems, etc. How could that be? Well it's me! Hahaha... After some process, I started to see who I am actually. And since I started to receive myself, the weirdness of me started to get worst, grow actually. And at the same time, my skills in certain areas became sharper. I'm a writer, tragic romantic is my speciality. And yes, I dream of the world. Beating JK Rowling. Hahaha... I think I said that before, I'm a dreamer... And now, I'm proud of myself. And as time goes by, I now am living such a different life than the people around me. I just want you to remember one thing. You were created unique, I mean more unique than common people, for a specific purpose. And I don't know bout you my friend, but I am definitely gonna conquer the world. Hahaha... Good luck! PS : Dark Knight and The Joker are actually the same. They both are freaks. They just chose... Different paths... ^^
From years i feel i m different. And feel the same way as mentioned above. I can feel peoples thoughts. There is not a single person whose nature i told on there first look and it was not the same...can anybody tell what is this and why it is so.
ReplyDeleteFrom years i feel i m different. And feel the same way as mentioned above. I can feel peoples thoughts. There is not a single person whose nature i told on there first look and it was not the same...can anybody tell what is this and why it is so.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way as you 99% of the time. You know what saved me? Look up 16 personalities and read the INFP profile. It changed my life and helped me realize more of who I am and why I exist.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for publishing this, you saved me from a total breakdown today and you will never know how grateful I am for that. :)
Always Keep Fighting
I feel the same way as you 99% of the time. You know what saved me? Look up 16 personalities and read the INFP profile. It changed my life and helped me realize more of who I am and why I exist.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for publishing this, you saved me from a total breakdown today and you will never know how grateful I am for that. :)
Always Keep Fighting
Hi...Omg i am in complete utter shock at the moment after reading this article.from start to end i was full immersed with the context, word for word it fell from my mind onto the screen, i could have written this & now im confused too.
ReplyDeleteWhat the actual eff is going on?. I understood all that you said ALL & i too have that strange almost mystical feeling of i must be here for a reason.Im a 39 yr old mum with a very strange collection of events called 'the past'.
I truly believe i am either living inside witnessing my own insanity or there most definitely is ( from evidence here ) something more to this big picture for real.
You feel important in my search for ' truth ' ,it seems i know the answer is the truth but from which question it derived i dont have a clue. If you understood that i commend you haha. Please please please i would love to able get in touch & maybe find some sense of it all. Thank you for your time. Kimberley x
I have lived with this for over 40 years-first never consider yourself special and above all do not isolate yourself. Cultivate your practical problem solving ability and contribute to the world around you. Trust me we need each other and the people who may seem to shun you today also have so much to offer and something you may need tomorrow. You must learn not to take things personally and cultivate a sense of humor about yourself. It is worth more than gold.
ReplyDeleteConcentrate on contributing more than you take from society and reject the false path of attention seeking. It has no lasting reward. Don't expect accolades when you contribute, bask in it if you get it for a moment , but keep on moving. Neither failure or success should stick to you. Keep on your path. There will never come a day life is easy but you will find that you enjoy the challenge and the ride more than you dream possible as a teen. Expect difficulty , embrace uncomfortable emotions, retreat only to recharge yourself then move on. Do not isolate yourself. Refuse to give up under any circumstances. Do not focus on yourself. Did you eat today? Do you have a home? Think of how many this very moment have neither of those. Sorry to preach
I believe in your generation and I hate to see the sleazy empty crap they are trying to sell you as goals in life.
Im not on here to write my story in the comments but all I can say is I can relate to each and every single one of you and I feel for y'all. Feeling indifferent alone with all the other "issues" that affect our daily lives, but still benefits us, it almost seems like the majority of the world are a bunch of morons, and it's throwing me off for sure, I can't even make sense out of half of the crazy, horrible, insensitive/unconscious shit that goes on in our world every day. It's a fucking joke for a society, a governments/our decisions are all controlled by money and greed, anger. Even the way were raised as kids in some places is a huge part of the reason there's so many problems now, so it's partly some shity parents, and society's shitty design and what's consider "normal" these days. It's disgusting to watch sometimes... But I'm done now, sorry I get really into my opinions sometimes.
ReplyDeleteIm high af writing this, sorry for the typos ^
DeleteMaybe you have something calles Low Latent Inhibition. You should check it out!
ReplyDeleteMaybe you have something calles Low Latent Inhibition. You should check it out!
ReplyDeleteI though I'M crazy, but Im here after months of search , Im an HSP, and ( ENFP ).
ReplyDeleteI love people all the people and I understand them I though my propose in the world to help others and after searching I knew that part of my HSP personalty, Just Im happy I here. I feel different and people see that and lot of judgments.
is there is anyone has experience white something called - Angel Numbers .
like 11:11 12 : 12 04:04 on the clock
- Dreams come true.
- deja vu
- sometime I feel I can feel other people pain , or if they are not happy, Im scare of my ability to understand people.
It's funny because i think the same way. I guess it's being born with a pure heart
ReplyDeleteHey bro.
ReplyDeleteLets change this world and reach the top.
U feel me?
Lets change it
DeleteI feel like I'm gonna cry. It is as if I could relate what you're going through.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read your blog, I remember what it's like to be different, to be hyper-kind with others and don't understand why others don't act the same as me. To give myself to sacrifice my self and not expect anything in return. To feel so alone, suicidal thought always in my mind. I cut my hands so many times and it hurts to see the scar now.
There are many times of depression, hurting my self, isolated, became a hermit-like, and thus I don't really have a friend, but if I have, it's always those who don't have any friend or having difficulties in making friend, or those who have a problem. I wonder what happen with me so I searched in internet "personality test" and it came out that I have ENFP personality, I searched again, enneagram type 2, then the characteristic of an INDIGO, and crystal kid. I can relate to those characteristic. I wonder if I'm an indigo, but YOU could be one, I feel your suffer, because I've had it too..
I don't know
maybe we have this struggle to change something, to change the world in some way maybe..
Hey Alana- Like everyone else here, I stumbled upon your page and felt very compelled to leave a reply- the things you said resonated heavily with me. I hope you're well and are still fighting your depression. At the very least I hope you can see that you are obviously not alone in any of this.
ReplyDelete-Ananya, 20 years old, Iowa
Indigoism would explain some of it. :) This sounds a lot like it and especially the deep feeling of being a bigger part of something special, i feel the same as well. I only hope you find the meaning to your own existance..
ReplyDeletelets change this world. My phone number is 330507-7974
DeleteLets stop being alone in this fight, We need to come together and change this world. We can, we just have to work together and turn our dreams into reality. contact me at 330-507-7974
ReplyDeleteYou could have autism. My daughter has high functioning autism known also as asbergers. She knows things and feels things because she is more sensations than normal people. She hears extremely well, can notice things other people dont, is very smart. can write a paper in minutes an it will win rewards. she also is very sentive to how others feel as if she is feeling it herself. she also has social aniexity and depression. you wouldnt know it though cause she is a master pretender. She doesnt let anyone see how she feels and would never come out and say it like you. even if she thought it. since im not like that i cant tel you for sure.
ReplyDeleteI'm reading this in 2016. I have turned 31 years old this year. Everything you've written, Alana, every nuance and descriptive emotive phrasing ... I understand completely. It would have been comforting to know someone like you in my younger days. It certainly would have been helpful knowing I was not the only person experiencing the world in this capacity. Like others who have posted here, I had a difficult, sometimes traumatic, and abusisive childhood. This only heightened my tendencies to be overly observant. Unfortunately, this also caused me to be more openly expressive...and "emotionally expresive" was simply an unacceptable behavior in my home. For people like us, depression and anxiety seems to latch one as we have great difficulty verbally expressing or feeling accepted by those who should accept us unconditionally.
ReplyDeleteI suggest that everyone here, if they have not already, seek out the research of Dr. Elaine Aron. She has singled out certain person ality traits of those like us, and has coined this as "Hypersensitivity". Her books are essential to read as they provide survival skills for those of us who are overwhelmed by the world we have no choice but to live in. Best of luck to everyone!
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ReplyDeleteHello,I'm gonna get right to it. I thought i was crazy and alone. I can tell you were fumbling over yoirself trying to explain this. I can tell because i do everytime i try and explain this. I feel the exact same way you do i think the same way i feel the same things notice things noone else does and even little tiny details noone would ever thought mattered but ill figure something out with them. I hope you get what i mean. Youre not alone at all. Im sure alpt people here are just hoppin on this train for the ride but trust me when i say i know what you're dealing with i grew up very similar too maybe were meant for something. Jjacks2293@gmail.com you should get in touch! This is the first time ive ever found someone the same as me..
ReplyDeleteI feel you so much..i felt all of this..i feel like i am not wanted bu my classmates..i feel like im being mocked at ,i feel stupid..i feel im an outcast of what i wear ..how i see things and how i react to things in a certain way..i wish i can make a change to people because i know how painful it is for them to be alone!i feel u totally! Feel free to email me at xuanmin1997@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteYou are a highly sensitive person. Most likely an empath. Read up on it and getvto know your gifts!
ReplyDeleteI feel exactly like you do Alana! Thank you so much for posting this online, i no longer feel alone! I also can tell when someone is lying immediately, I get vibes off of people and can tell if they are a good person or a bad person who means harm towards me, I don't feel human in a sense.. I feel like something else like a spirit that is trapped in a human body! I observe people all the time just to see how they act and what they do in certain situations! I can feel people's emotions and also know what they are thinking.. Music is absolute HEAVEN to me, I mean talk about goosebumps.. I see different types of human too which may sound weird but there are hundreds of people out there with the same bone structure and their personality always matches the bone structure if that makes sense.. so I will see someone who fits into one of these personalities and look at their facial features and bone structure and before they speak I get a vibe and know what kind of person they are! I think you may be whats called a Highly Sensitive Person and an empath! You should also take what is called The Myers Briggs Personality Test and I think you are going to either come out with one of two personalities which will be either INFP or INFJ.. I would deem you an INFJ, we are very rare making up 1% of the population.
ReplyDeleteThe best of luck to you Sister! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
4 years later, and people are still commenting on this. I am so grateful I stumbled upon this. I'm so relieved that I'm not alone that I could cry!!! I always feel disconnected from my friends. I'm extremely quiet and shy and I believe I've finally figured out the reason why. Because my brain works differently, many people view me as weird and instead of messing up and being looked at as anything other than normal scares me. So, I've eventually just altered myself to not speak unless necessary to avoid saying something stupid. I think in such deep concepts sometimes that I don't even have words for them. I've always known I was different and I'm so happy to know that I am not weird of alone. Thank you!!!
ReplyDeleteDo you have Facebook? I would really like to talk witth you about all this?
DeleteI believe you and I are alike almost too well. I breezed through your post and realized that you experienced the same things I do. I found out with several studies that the condition we face is being born gifted. Look it up and compare the traits to your own. Some people who are gifted embrace this fact but the rest try to deny or hide it. I hope this sheds a little light in your direction.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad I found this also. I am 39 and I have felt all of these things mentioned my entire life. When I feel like I am special or gifted for these feelings and emotions, I then feel guilty for thinking highly of myself. It is the weirdest thing. Has anyone gotten more information? We need to start a facebook page to we can talk more often.
ReplyDeleteHi everyone, reading all of your comments here makes me feel like I've finally found my fellow ones who are just like me. I feel so grateful knowing that I'm not alone after all who " feels different " to this world. Recently, i started searching random things on google and i found out a lot actually. From being an "empath", i also ended up searching the term "lightworker" and "Earth Angel". I also ended up searching " Spiritual Awakening" which all resonates me. I'm 30 years old already and until now the feeling of being an outsider of this world is becoming so intense to the point where I've felt more sensitive than before. I feel highly sensitive physically, mentally and emotionally. My empathy overwhelmed me a lot these days especially seeing those homeless people and distress animals in the street. I just can't understand why some people don't feel the same as i do and it burdens me a lot when i see people acting like they dont care at all. I'm always asking myself why people act the way they do. I can't stay longer in crowded places, noise and crowds drains me a lot, i could feel the energies coming from the crowds. Saying "no" is just really hard for me whenever someone needs my help even if im struggling with my own problem. I always gives uplifting advice to my friends and always encouraging them especially when they've felt down.
ReplyDeleteI don't know but i have this desire feelings to help. It pains me a lot seeing those homeless people and distress animals in the street, i felt really bad whenever i see someone who treat poorly those people or animals that only begged for some food to eat. Social media posts of violence about people affects me a lot especially the abused of animals is tearing my heart apart, i mostly found myself crying. I just want this world free from any violence and crimes, all i ever want is love and peace on Earth. I hope i could talk to you guys, I really relates with what you all shared here. i would love to hear from you and this is my email add julietacedera27@gmail.com or you can find me on facebook, just simply search my name Juliet Pertos Acedera. Hoping to hear from you guys, take care always and God bless us all.
I’m lying on the beach on holidays as always by myself glad somebody gifted hahaha is just like me.
ReplyDeleteIt’s not a gift it’s a hassle because u only have this ability for more there is nothing because ur soul needs to deal with all the negativity day to day so u are tooooo busy my advise try to not feel or not accept those feels from others and so on. Blame is to give to ur childhood.
ReplyDeleteThis is the most INFJ post I ever saw. Specifically, the most depressed INFJ post I have ever seen. And I say this because I am one. You are not alone, Alana.
ReplyDelete