Got sent to the hospital again on Sunday. This time we actually made it inside. They discharged me and now I'm home. Wasn't allowed out on Halloween, big shock there I guess.
Today I ate so fucking much. Now I feel disgusting and refuse to eat for probably 3 days. I can't stop shaking and crying right now. All I want is to be loved. I just want someone to hug me and take care of me and tell me everything is going to be okay. I've never had that and I never will.
I'm pretty sure this is a problem: I see my guidance counselor as more of a mom to me than my own mom. I wish she could adopt me. That would make me happy. It's not normal to feel so attached to someone like a guidance counselor. Why can't I just be normal? Why do I have to hurt so bad?
When is this all going to end. Tonight I made a pro and con list of if I should commit suicide or not. Let's just say there were about twice as many reasons to die than there were to live. If that's not a problem then I don't know what is.
I wish so badly that I could believe someone when they told me they love me. Or that I could want to live or that I at least know things will get better. I know they won't get better. I'll always feel this horrible emptiness and hollowness and it's not fair.
Why me? Why do I have to have all this hardship? I really don't know how much longer I can hold on.
Sending hugs your way. Please hang on-there are people who care about you, even if it doesn't seem like there are.
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