So yesterday I got in even more trouble. My guidance counselor pulled me out of class 9th period, right before the end of the day. I had no idea what to expect, I couldn't even imagine what else I could have done to get in trouble.
I had to stay after school for a good 2 hours. It was miserable. I was with my guidance counselor, my principle, and my assistant principle. They were all talking to me about being suicidal and cutting and everything else. I wanted to open up and be honest but I can't because I'm scared. I'm constantly living my life in fear. Of my parents, of my friends, of everything.
Then my mom came and everything changed. My guard was up and there was nothing anyone could say or do to make me any less edgy at that point. That's what my parents do to me. They have hurt me so bad I can't be in the same room with them and be able to keep cool.
So my mom sat there and acted like an angel and denied everything I said and belittled me. I couldn't take it. I was so frustrated! It's not fair. I have to live with these monsters at home and no one will ever see it because of this stupid act that they've perfected. So now everyone at school hates me even more. I'm sure they all think I'm this stupid little bitch who lies and complains and all that.
To bad they can't see what really happens when no one of authority is around. I got it pretty bad when I got home. My parents still have yet to be civil towards me and I'm just shutting up and letting them do it. Man I hate my life. I need to get out of here.
Needless to say, I'm pretty fucking pissed at every single one of my friends. Screw me over once, shame on you. Screw me over twice...maybe I should learn to shut my mouth. Do it three times? Were fucking done.
I have successfully pushed away everyone I wanted to. Everyone except my boyfriend. He has done nothing to hurt me so I refuse to hurt him.
I don't need anyone. I sure as hell wish I had just ONE person in this world who I could talk to openly and honestly and not have to worry about getting in trouble for it.
Because guess what. WHEN YOU TELL THE SCHOOL IT GETS BACK TO MY PARENTS AND I GET IN A SHIT LOAD OF TROUBLE!!! So just stop already!! I hope you realize that I can no longer trust anyone and all this has done is make me more depressed and alone and withdrawn.
I don't need anyone but myself. Sorry if this hurt anyone but I figured you deserved to know why I'm pissed. I know you were trying to help but you didn't. All you have done is cause more problems because my parents are abusive assholes. Sorry.
You should get a little tape recorder and record your parents when they don't know it, when they're screaming at you and saying all sorts of horrible stuff. Then bring it to whoever you need to-guidance counselor, authorities, whoever. It's sad that the guidance counselor can't see through your mother's lies. But don't give up-try the tape recorder. You have got to get out of that house!
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