Why do I have depression?
Why do I have social anxiety disorder?
Why do I go for days at a time without eating or sleeping?
Why can't I be satisfied with what I see in the mirror?
Why can't I believe that people actually care about me?
Why can't I get better?
Why do I self sabotage?
Why do I always push people away when all I want is to be close to people and have them care?
Why do I hurt myself and so many people in the process.
Why can't I just be normal.
These are the things that I think about all the time. I'm sorry if I've hurt you. I'm sorry if I screwed up. I'm sorry that I'm not good enough.
I feel like I've screwed up so much lately and I just keep hurting people. I feel horrible.
I'm so mentally and physically drained. Today I plan on sleeping all day, or at least laying in bed like a bum all day. I'm probably just going to ignore everyone. Every time I open my mouth I just end up hurting someone unintentionally. So I'm sorry to everyone that's happened to lately.
A couple of months ago when I started my blog my first post looked just like this. So I know where you are coming from. You CAN start to feel better... and you will... but it will take time and it won't necessarily be straight forward... but it will be worth it and you'll look back and feel richer for it. If you have the energy... I hope you read it... i think it might help a little bit...My are in my thoughts. (Hug)
ReplyDeletehttp://mehdibayjou.blogspot.com/p/from-start.html
Sleep.... when you wake up the world mightseem a better place and you need your energy.
ReplyDeleteWith the exception of the first two questions, the answer for all the others could be: because you suffer from depression.
ReplyDeleteI've been there myself and a lot of this rings familiar. Only when I started getting better, I could actually see that it was the depression that made me think this way, and not personal shortcomings or weaknesses.
I hope you'll feel better soon!