When did everything get so messed up? Man, I don't know. All I know is I am one big fat mess right now. My head must not be on straight or something. My family life is increasingly more dysfunctional every day, no matter how many sleeping pills I take I can't sleep, and my anxiety seems like it's at an all time high.
Ever heard of a psychiatric service dog? I don't feel like explaining, so look it up if you haven't. Basically, they perform tasks specific to my needs to help with depression and anxiety. I literally did all the work for it, including picking the breeder and puppy, and all I have left to do is click the "adopt" button.
The one and only thing standing in my way is the assholes I call parents. My mom would've said yes. My dad however, said no. I told him I was going to do it anyway and there is no way he can stop me. He told me if I get her I wont be allowed home. It's not a pet. Its a service dog. I guess my parents don't want me to get better after all.
So basically here's my choices.
1- go ahead and get my dog, and find another place to live. But who the hell is gonna want me?
2- don't get better and don't get this help and probably kill myself before summers over.
No one cares if I fail or succeed. So what do I do? Do I get her anyway and move one step closer to happiness? Or do I let my parents control me yet again? I'm 17 and it's time to start living my life the way it was intended to live. I'm sick of all this bullshit that is people telling me I can't get better because of one reason or another.
I'm not on speaking terms with my parents. I'm not getting out of bed for a very, very long time. Please help me decide what to do.
I know what a psychiatric service dog is! I have a somewhat "milder" version, emotional support dogs. They're not quite service dogs, but I have a doctors letter saying they need to be allowed on public transportation with me and in any housing, even housing that doesn't allow pets.
ReplyDeleteWow, you're 17 and did all that work to get a psychiatric service dog? You must be very smart. One thing that may help you is the fact that, if you are qualified to have a psych service dog, anywhere you live has to allow you to keep the dog there... and that SHOULD include your parents' house!
Do you have a doctor or someone else who helped you do all the requirements to get the dog? If so, that person should meet with your parents and help explain that this isn't a pet who will pee on the floor and wreck the furniture. This is something you need, just like therapy and medicine. If they still won't allow it, and you are this certain that you cannot live without a service dog... maybe you could look into a group home or independent living program. I was in one when I was your age. They aren't horrid, and I actually liked it. And they would HAVE to allow your dog.
How did you sign up for a service dog, by the way? I thought it was a pretty complicated process?
Alana, I am so glad you finally posted. I was getting a bit concerned because it had been so long. I was reading through a few of your older posts, since when I first joined your site a month or two ago, I followed your blog day by day but never actually looked past to what you had posted before I had joined. I am beginning to understand you a little better now and my heart really does go out to you.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Butterfly-get the dog, and get out of your parents house! I truly feel like that environment is exacerbating your depression. I think just getting out of there, dog or no, would really help you. You should look into a group home or independent living program like Butterfly suggested, because you are right, you need to start living life like you were meant to and you can't do that at your parents' house.
One common theme throughout all your posts is your cry for someone to talk to, to be close to, and just to listen to. I've told you a few times that you can send me a message and talk to me whenever you feel the need. Maybe you haven't taken me up on it because you don't believe I mean it and you are too scared to try and get hurt when I don't hold good on my promise. Or maybe you haven't because my email address isn't available on my profile like I thought. So, I will give you my email address and please, if you ever need to talk to someone, email me. I DO care. Yes, I am a stranger, and I have never met you, but I do care about you. My God has a put a love of people in my heart and when I see someone hurting like you, I want to try to make it better. I won't feel bad if you don't want to contact me, but please, don't be afraid to do so. I will listen.
Hang in there. I think your life is about to change drastically-for the better. You can do it, and I bet you will.
Oh yeah, my email: pupalicki@gmail.com
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