Sometimes I feel like I'm crazy. And sometimes I feel like I don't belong. And sometimes all I want to do is really talk to someone and be able to say exactly what I'm feeling and just cry and get everything out.
I'm so starved for attention and it hurts. I want someone to pay attention to me and take care of me and make me feel better. I'm hurting so bad right now and I really don't know if there is anyone on this planet that understands this feeling.
I always said I don't need a babysitter. I never wanted to be that constant pain in the ass that didn't go away. But now I think maybe that is what I need. I don't know. I just really need someone to pay attention to me and no one does.
I feel so alone and miserable and frustrated all the time and I don't know what to do. There's no way out. I feel like in trapped in this circle of misery and there is just no possible way out.
If you can imagine the worst you've ever felt, and then multiply that by 10, that's how I feel now.
I'm so sorry Alana. Sending prayers your way.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand this. When my depression hits, I feel like I go into instant 4-year old mode. I want someone to hold me and make all my problems go away. Caress my hair, hold me tight and let me know how special I am. The world is so cold and cruel sometimes. I hope you know that you're not alone in this battle and I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. Keep fighting the good fight because it is so worth it...you are worth it.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless you Alana. I really hope you can find someone to trust that you can open up too. Just having one person makes a huge difference. You're not alone in this battle, you never will be. Keep your head up and focus on the good that you have. I know it's hard but just remember God doesn't give anything you can't handle.
ReplyDelete- Melissa
Oh, Alana! If I could be there and take care of you I would - I know that pain.
ReplyDeleteThe other day my counselor and I were talking about this - how alone I had always been, how starved for attention I was throughout my entire childhood/teenage years... I was never hugged, never accepted, never loved for who I was. It's amazing how that shapes you for the rest of your life. Right now I'm trying to be that for myself - trying to give myself that attention, that affection, that unconditional love.
You're not alone. I'm sending cyber hugs your way.