I hope everyone had a great Christmas and Hanukah. My cousins came over today. I saw their two kids, one 3 years old and one 8 months old. I love both of them. I went on a drive with my cousin, just me and him, and I told him everything. He actually gave me really great advice.
Out of everyone I've talked to, he was the only one who said things that actually made sense to me. I can't believe I'm in this position. I just can't. But I'm more clear on what I have to do now. I hate my life so much. I just can't do this. New years resolution- get my shit together. That won't happen though.
I'm on such a serious decline right now I don't even know what to do. I had been throwing up and starving myself so much lately. If I weren't pregnant..I would be starving myself like crazy this week.
I wish I had my friends to talk to about any of this. Not even to talk to about this, just talk to in general. But nope. My best friend left me. And I still don't know why. Probably deserved it though. I deserve all the shit I get.
Can you tell how bad I'm doing? I'm a freaking emotional, hormonal mess and I have no one. This holiday season has been the worst one of my whole life. And probably the last one too. Whatever. I just really can not believe this is how my life has turned out. Merry Christmas.
Keep talking to your cousin-sounds like he can really be a source of strength for you and help you to get through this. You're a strong woman, or you wouldn't have made it this far. Don't give up!
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