Dates

2-11-10
3-25-10
1-12-11
4-13-11

What do those dates mean?      Surgery. Correction, surgeries. Major surgeries.

I guess you could say that I was born bad. Physically at least. I've been in constant pain from my legs for as long as I can remember. Both of my legs were twisted. When I would stand, my kneecaps were completely turned in. Then I had the first two surgeries. They broke my ankles, put screws in it, and put me in a cast that went from my toes to my groin. Being stuck in a cast, not able to walk from Feb to about June really takes a toll on a person. Especially when that person hates having to rely on people to do EVERYTHING for them. But I could handle it, I had no other choice. It was going to make me better in the long run, and I knew there was nothing I could do but accept it.

And I did.

But it wasn't better.  Then the doctors decided I needed more surgery. January 12th 2011. They broke my femur (Yeah, the biggest bone in your body) and put screws and a rod in.

You might notice one of those dates didn't happen yet. That's because I need yet another surgery, this time on the other side. I will have two broken femurs in 9 days.

I'm having a bit of a rough time accepting these last two. I cant do it, I honestly don't think  can. I'm 16. This is supposed to be my childhood, the BEST years of my life. But its so far from that. I used to love playing soccer, and horseback riding. And now? I can't do anything. My days consist of sitting on the couch, watching tv or writing, simply because I physically can't do anything else.

Not even to mention the pain! Its a miserable experience. And I don't want to do it again. I can't.

So, what do you think, do you think that's contributed to my depression? I'd say so.
This isn't even the biggest obstacle I've dealt with. That's still to come.

Its safe to say, that at the least, I feel like I've wasted away my whole childhood and teen years. Not only have i been mentally handicapped from my severe depression and anxiety, but I've been forced to be physically handicapped as well. I've been on crutches since January, and as of right now, with one more surgery yet to come, I probably will not be able to walk or do anything until at least July. Great.