So I've been home for a few days now and it's been rough. As soon as I walked in the door my sister practically pushed me out of the way and ran upstairs completely ignoring me. She still hasn't asked me how I felt or how surgery went. Sweet right? Instead of being considerate about me right now, she instead complains about me always being in the den. I have to sleep downstairs because I can't even walk to the bathroom without a struggle pretty much. So to like spite me she keeps all the lights on so I can't sleep and refuses to turn them off.
But I really don't care about her or what she does. I'm just in a bad place right now. My leg kills all the time and like yeah friends come visit me and stuff which is nice but I still feel like there's no one there for me on that deeper level. I don't know if that even makes sense though.
I feel like crap physically and mentally all the time and nothing ever dulls the pain. What's the point of living a life like this? I don't know. I'll be alright I guess, I mean I always am.
When I get bad like this, I go through stages of like pushing certain people away but getting really close with other people. Like right now I pretty much pushed everyone away except for like two people. But even still I feel like I can't talk about anything to them. I think my problem is that I just want them to bring it up. Like I don't feel like I'm entitled to talk about things because it would burden them or whatever. I'm usually the friend that listens, not talks. I don't know I just hate this.
I'm physically and mentally drowning right now and I feel like I'm barely surviving. I have no release anymore. Whatever I'll just deal with it like I always do :/
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