I met my new therapist today. She was okay I guess. I didn't really talk much..I kind of just answered her questions. I don't like talking to new people. I just want to talk to Andrea and I can't.
I hate so much that paying somebody is the only way I can talk or get someone to listen to me. I feel like I help so many other people and none of them are there for me in return. All I want is a friend. Just someone to talk to. But that's to much to ask for.
I'm not blaming anyone for anything, I'm just upset. I feel so alone in all of this and it's hard.I can't fight this by myself anymore. I want to talk to my friends and make them listen to me, I'm just scared it'll push them away. Just for once in my whole life, I wish I could put myself in front of others. Just one time. But I know I can't. That's not how life works. I'm supposed to be there for them. And okay with that. I just wish people could do the same for me.
I'm not trying to sound bratty or complain or anything, I'm just having a bad time and want someone to talk to about things. It's my own fault though. I guess I get in my way.
Like you yourself said, it is probably more your perception of others not wanting to listen to you than them actually not wanting to.
ReplyDeleteWhy don't you just jump and try it. Try to be on the receiving end for a change. What could you lose? A friendship that isn't a real friendship to begin with? If a friend doesn't want to listen to you when you are in pain, they are not a friend. But on the positive side, I am sure at least one of your friends cares enough to listen so please- put them to that test. Not for the sake of the test, but for you own sake. You need it. And you have the right to it. Don't deprive yourself out of fear. It is tough, but YOU must take the plunge toward a happier, relationship-filled life.
In times of need you really find out who your true friends are. If you even have one person that is a real friend, consider yourself lucky!
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