The sun doesn't shine as bright, the grass isn't as green, food doesn't taste as good, nothing is the same anymore. I'm really in a rut right now and nothing feels good. Nothing is satisfying.
I feel so alone and unloved through all of this. I hate having to do it on my own. I honestly do wish I was dead at this point. Things at home are getting progressively worse and it's like the more depressed I get, the less tolerant and the angrier my parents get.
I barely eat anything anymore. Today I had coffee in the morning and then I had dinner way later. I don't even have an appetite anymore. Were going into summer now and it's just downhill from here. I knew it would be like that.
Today even started off decent. Once I dragged myself out of bed, I had about an hour of peace within me and it felt sort of good. But I don't think it was peace now. I think it was just numb.
I don't want to do this anymore. Is this going to be my life forever? I honestly feel like no one cares about me at all. I literally just lie on my bed all day, alone and in silence. That's what my life is now. And it sucks.
I'm sorry for complaining and being dumb. I don't know why I write this all.
I am sorry you are feeling this way. Hang in there, have you tried going outside and enjoying the sun? I always love how nice it is during summer.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are with you,
Katie
This might be a strange idea...but have you tried to go to an old-person's home, and finding a friend there. Some of those people may be much more understanding than your parents, and right now, you need someone that is going to listen to you rather than judge you. You need release and you need safety. Also...you mentioned a few posts back that you wanted to help someone. You have no idea how many of those elderly people have no one left-or no one that cares. They sit alone all day also. Just having someone talk to them, someone like you, someone who gives them the time of day, can be very therapeutic. I think it would really help both you and your old friend-just think about it.
ReplyDeleteEmbriette, yeah that sounds like something I'd consider. I was also thinking like helping kids in hospitals or something too. I just want to make someone else smile
ReplyDeleteYou are always welcome here in Houston. I'm serious. I'd be glad to help you in any way I can. Just don't ever take your own life-there are people out there who care. Sometimes strangers can understand you better than your own family.
ReplyDeleteThat is literally how i am feeling now a days.
ReplyDelete