The past few days I've been trying to go out more and be social...but I failed miserably. I tried going over my grandmas house to sleep over, but I had to have someone pick me up. She wasn't happy with me and she took it personally. She doesn't understand that that's just how I am.
I was supposed to go away with my friend for the weekend, and I chickened out at the last minuet. Yes, I regret it and wish I went. My anxiety feels like it's getting worse, or maybe I'm just noticing it more now.
On a positive note, I hung out with another one of my best friends last night at my house, and it went well. I didn't have to much anxiety and I don't know. It's probably just because I didn't have to leave my house.
I'm trying to get along better with my mom lately, but she keeps rejecting me. I wish we could be closer and I wish she wanted me. Last night I was laying in my bed and I just felt so alone. I always feel alone and it sucks.
How do you not always feel so alone? Honestly, I feel the most alone when I'm with people because I guess I feel like I have to act happier than I am. I hate it.
Well happy fathers day to all the dads out there :)
I know what you mean by feeling alone, it hurts. Feel good that you've found a bunch of people here that understand. -Kevin
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