Yesterday was actually a good day. Me and one of my best friends went out for a few hours and had a really good time. We didn't even really do anything that exciting. We literally sat on a bench that was right behind a rocky wall and talked. It was awesome though. Like we were right on top of this wall and there was a fence with ivy covering it surrounding us. Most normal people wouldn't really find that a nice place to sit...but I loved it. It kind of felt like life. Like I'm trapped behind this wall, and I can hear everyone else and see what their doing, but they can't see me and they have no idea what is going on in my life.
I don't know, I guess I read to much into things, but the whole night just felt awesome. It's like me and my friend can relate to each other so much, and it's nice to have just one person I feel like I can be completely real with. Or at least mostly real with. When I got home it sucked though. I felt so alone and empty..I hate that. I always feel so alone. I wish that could change
I had therapy yesterday and we were talking about self sabotage, and how I'm doing that to myself. She's making me keep a log of when my depression and anxiety is worse..I think I'm changing medicine soon. Or at least increasing what I'm already on.
It's days like yesterday that make me want to keep fighting. But there just so incredibly rare...and I guess sometimes I forget what it's like to have a good day. I just wish they would last.
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