After the day I went to the hospital (which I'm still finding the courage to write about) they made my mom take me to a psychiatrist.
I didn't want to go at that point..I just wanted my parents to forget about me and just leave the whole situation alone. But she took me and they prescribed me Prozac. This was about 5 or 6 weeks weeks ago, but I still haven't taken it. My mom hasn't given it to me.
Here's my feeling about it. I don't want to be on medicine for the rest of my life, and I'm scared it's not even going to help me anyway. What if I take it and then come off it and I'm ten times worse than I was. Then I would know what it's like to be happy maybe and then never have it again. I don't want to go on it only to relapse way harder than it is now, which I see happening.
If that happens, then maybe I'll try to do something dumb and I don't want that either. And there's also a chance it doesn't help anyway. I know that's all just a chance, but I still don't know if I want to be on medicine. My mom hasn't even given it to me. The only thing I'd want it for is to reduce anxiety, which again, maybe it doesn't even help.
Another huge reason against it is I do not in any way, shape, or form, want to be like my sister. She takes like a million pills a day and if I have to take something too, doesn't that mean I'm like she is?
I don't want my parents to EVER see me in the same light as her but they do. Sometimes my mom says stuff like "oh your acting just like her" when I don't even know what I did wrong. I hate that so much you don't even know.
But if I take it, it's just another reason to resent me. Besides, I don't even know for sure if my parents will let me take it. I know they have the prescription already but they made it clear they don't want me on anything. I honestly just want to be better so bad but there's so many things in my way at this point.
Hello,
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. To this day I hate being on medication and I'm 26. I started taking meds when I was 18 and started to decrease my meds Nov '10 then I was finally medication free this past March. When I got off my medication I went downhill and relived how I felt when I was 18 again. The most horrible feeling in the world. I've been trying to help myself through a naturopath, acupuncture, therapist and so far nothing has helped but the medication so I had to go back on it. I would recommend you try natural remedies first and if you continue to feel horrible then take the Prozac. It's not worth suffering and letting the anxiety/depression take over your life.
- Melissa
I remember that time in my life very well. When I was on 17 I went on medication - it saved my life and forever changed my life for the better.
ReplyDeleteIn the beginning I didn't want to take it - I would gag every time I tried to force the pill down. I felt like taking it changed the very core of who I was.
Today I realize that I have a physical illness, one that I need medication for. My mom has MS and must take medication every day for that. A friend of mine has thyroid issues and has been told that she will be on medication for the rest of her life. Neither of them like taking the medication, but they don't think twice about it. They just take it. I think that's where we need to get with mental illness. It sucks that we're sick, it sucks that it's probably a life long sickness and it sucks that we need to take medication for it. But that's life.