This weekend I went on a road trip with my family to Virginia to drop my brother off at an internship. For some reason, this road trip really opened my eyes. We stayed in such a beautiful area, and I just didn't want to leave. We only stayed for a night, but it just made me realize how much there is out there in the world.
And it could all be mine.
There's just so much to do out there. Anything I want. And I want to embrace all of it. If/when I am ever able to overcome all this anxiety and depression, I can do anything. I want to travel, and help other people, and learn new things and take risks and ride the biggest roller coaster in the world and skydive, I just want to do it all. But I can't because I'm stuck trapped inside my own head.
I have everything holding me back, and yet nothing holding me back at the same time. I want to live such an incredible life and take risks and just live it up! I'm going to be 17 in about a month, and so far there really hasn't been any defining moment in my life, or nothing that stands out, or nothing that even makes me unique.
The only things that really make me different is all the negative stuff, my sister, all my surgeries, my depression and how I wanted to kill myself, it's just all bad things that make me who I am. And I want to change that. If you read my very first post, it's titled "Who am I?" and I want to answer that question.
This summer, I don't want to sit home and literally do nothing. At least just one day, I want to do something amazing and exhilarating. I just don't know what that would be yet.
I have so many fears getting in my way, and I don't want that anymore. I'm done being held back just because I'm scared or my depression is to bad to get out of bed. I don't want to let that happen this summer. I know I'm "only a kid", but I just feel like this is my life now, and this is when I should be living it and having fun. I don't want to be handicapped physically OR mentally anymore!
I want to be awesome. I want to do things, and set some goals and then achieve them. I know that this is all easier said than done, but I just want to be a different person than who I am now. I'm very deep into my depression right now, and I'm trying so hard to break out of it and live my life. I'm struggling though.
So here is my question for you. What makes you you? Every one of you, weather you're like me and have depression and anxieties or not, should go out and do something out of the normal. It doesn't have to be dangerous, or life defining or anything like that. It can just be something that makes you feel good, something you feel like you accomplished.
Maybe working out of depression for someone else's benefit makes it easier to do. So maybe helping someone else is a good place to start. I really don't know. But I'm going to try to break out and do something good with my life. It's really time I started living it.
I want you to do the same too. I think it's important. I don't know why, I just feel like it's something I have to do. Only thing is, I don't know where to begin! Any suggestions? And I'd love to know what you think about all of this too.
I just want to start living my life the way it should be lived. No regrets.
My family makes me me. I never cared about anything but having a family of my own. I have a husband I love deeply and a sweet daughter and son. And I do everything for them.
ReplyDeleteAlso for me the most important thing I ever did for myself was move out of my parents house as soon as I could. I still lived with an abusive evil sister for 3 years after that but it was so much better. I learned what a good person I was and that I was smart. the first time I took an IQ test I was so afraid that it was going to say that I was retarded. I am not kidding. I thought I was so stupid because I was told that every day until I was 21.
At your age you are capable of anything. You just have to fight. But you are good at that, you are fighing to be here every day right