Depression is one of the most draining things a person can go through. Every single day, every single task is near impossible. Sleeping, eating, moving, talking to people, it's just all a struggle and a fight. And I don't want to do it anymore.
I'm at the point now where I think I'm either a little better, or at the same point than when I was when I was at my worst. But that means it can still get worse. I feel like all my friends are sick and tired of my bullshit, so I never talk to them about anything that's going on. They don't care anyway. No one wants to be around someone who is always being stupid and complaining about things, so I just don't.
I don't want to fight anymore. I'm physically and mentally drained and I don't think I can do this anymore. I wake up every single morning and try to have a good day, and I never do. I can be sitting in a room full of people and just randomly start like crying. I don't want to sit here and complain though. Im just tired of all of this. I am so overwhelmed and I literally can't ever sleep and I'm falling back into every single bad habit that I was in before. Wanting cigarettes and alcohol, cutting, not sleeping or doing anything, it's just all bad stuff. I hate being that girl that falls down the wrong path and screws up her life, but I am and it sucks. The one thing I have going for me is that I've never turned to drugs and I never will. I don't know.. Maybe turning to alcohol and all the other stuff is just as bad, but I like to think I at least have one thing good about me still.
Come on girl, you can do this. Push through. Do not let the depression win. I am praying you through this.
ReplyDeleteWe're all tired. I'm exhausted and I get tired of fighting too. But you know what, you have to keep fighting! You're strong, all of us with this are stronger than we think, we're stronger than a lot of other people, because we keep on fighting, even when it feels impossible to keep on going! Just hold on, keep on fighting!
ReplyDeleteWe all have these feelings of wanting to stop fighting. I am working through this issue by changing the words from 'fighting' to accepting that I have depression and finding ways to use it for good, to adapt, and in that way I have "stopped fighting," but I haven't given up. I hope this encourages you, too.
ReplyDeletePlease email me. I will listen to you. I won't offer advice or tell you what to do. Just listen to you. I have been depressed since I was 11 and I grew up being told I was fat, lazy, ugly, stupid and that my twin sister was so much better than me. I will listen to what ever you need to say. Please email me.
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