Today during dinner, I was sitting there quietly eating. All of a sudden, and completely out of the blue, my mom says something like this. She said, "I just have to say this. If you stopped thinking negative thoughts and stopped thinking your life was so bad, you would just feel better". I literally started laughing. Like are you kidding me? My dad chimes in with this comment, "Yeah, like are you even friends with any positive people anymore?" Come on. My response to this was telling them that they were ignorant, and that they should do some reading. I don't know the exact wording of everything that they said, and how I put it doesn't really do it justice. Basically the point that they were trying to make, was that I have depression BECAUSE I'm upset all the time. Ummm...actually, I'm pretty sure that the reason I'm upset or numb or however you want to put it, is BECAUSE I'm depressed. Not the other way around!
It frustrates me so much that they just can't understand that. They just don't know what it's like to be clinically depressed, and they think it's something that I choose. It really frustrates me and makes me sad.
Is this the reason they don't take me seriously? The reason they won't do anything to help me get better? The reason they ignore me when I don't get out of bed or when I'm crying or just laying on the floor?
Do they think I'm faking if for attention? How do you explain depression to someone who just has no idea? Honestly, what are some things I can say to make them understand, because I hate the fact that this is the reason they don't like me. Because they think it's something I can help.
It hurts so badly that we're on such different pages about this. I'll never be able to get better, not because I don't want to, but because my parents think I cause it myself and I'm really fine.
But really, how do you explain it? I'm numb, alone, empty, almost zombie like, those are some of the words I can think of, but it just doesn't do it justice.
I don't know how to make them check into what my reality is. I don't know how to make them understand. But maybe I can't make them understand, and maybe this is just something I'm forced to face alone and without help.
Is there anything that you find particularly helpful to say in this situation? Is there even anything that can be said to help them understand me better? It's almost like their so caught up in the stigma surrounding depression that they don't want to believe I actually have it. I don't know really.
When people don't want to understand, it is almost impossible to get them to understand. Because of the stigma of depression, they probably do not want that label to be stuck on you. Also, (and I think this is often the main issue with parents) they feel guilty for the way you are feeling, thinking they are to blame, and the best way to remove that guilt is to deny your problem and make it all YOUR fault. It is important to remember that they are not doing this to hurt you, but because it hurts them too much to feel they are the cause of yuor hurt. What they do not realize is that you are not wallowing around trying to point fingers, you just want acceptance and help. If you can try to explain all of that to them and say taht it doesn't matter why and... but here is my reality, and the only way to overcome this is to fully accept it, maybe that will help.
ReplyDeleteIt is very hard. Sometimes I have thought I got through only to realize after latr events taht that was not the case at all...
I wish you strength and the right words to break through...
I agree with Kindred Spirit. Also, I am not trying to be nosey but does depression run in your family's genes? Both my grandpa on my dad's side and my grandma on my moms side suffered from serious depression. My mom is convinced it is her fault I am suffering from depression which no one can prove. My point is maybe your parents are afraid there is past family history that is causing you to deal with depression and they don't want it to be their fault. They would rather these feelings be made up or coming from another source.
ReplyDeleteI hope that makes sense. I am having a hard time making complete thoughts.
It might take some time of teaching them but they should get better and start to understand.