Happy mothers day to anyone out there who is a mom. Today wasn't that bad really...I try really hard to start off the day positive and just see where it goes from there. I focused on making today a good day and not letting the stress of anyone or anything get to me.
The only thing that got me down about today was the fact that I feel like I'm losing my friends. Whether or not that's a rational thought, it's still one I'm unable to shake at this point.
I feel as though my "moods" are starting to irritate people, and I feel like maybe I'm not doing as good of a job of hiding it as I thought I was.
I don't want to push away my friends...they all mean so much to me and they keep me sane. I do have a lot of friends..but there's really only a few who I'm really, really close with and who I consider my best friends. But I often worry that maybe they don't feel the same way back, and that makes me sad. I guess that's a reflection of my bad self esteem though. Another byproduct of depression right there.
But I'm trying to just go with the flow and hide stuff in front of my friends so they see the "happy" kid that they like.
No one wants to be around a person who's upset and complaining all the time. (I guess that's why people consider suicide as an option too, because they don't want to be stuck with themselves if all they are is upset and feel hopeless).
All in all I guess all that I can do is just be the best person I can be and not be affected by all the negativity around me. It's a hard thing to do but it's something I'm going to continue to work on everyday. I want to be that kid everyone loves, and I don't want to push my friends away and lose them.
I hope everyone had a good day, but if not, there's always tomorrow. What I want everyone to do is just TRY to make tomorrow a good day. Don't let things get to you. Just try it. Look, I get it, it's tough and I KNOW it doesn't always work out well. But always try, and if you fail, there's always tomorrow again.
Well that's my rant for the day. I hope you enjoyed :)
I lost a lot of friends when I was diagnosed with depression in high school. The friends I kept were so much better than the friends I lost.
ReplyDeleteRemember that the friends that stick with you are worth keeping, the ones that don't weren't worth your time in the first place.
Take Care.
I totally 2nd what Jamie is saying. If you lose friends then were they really worth having in the first place? The friends that understand and support you will be the ones who pull you through.
ReplyDeleteI hope you have a good day tomorrow, I will be trying for a good day today like you said(its all ready morning here)and i hope you try to
xxx
Alana I have came across this website called mood gym(An Australian website that helps you identify problem emotions and develop better coping skills) Its a training programme based on cognitive behaviour therapy. Don't if it would be of any interest to you but thought i would let you kno about it anyway
ReplyDeletehttp://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
If your friends can't accept you the way you are on some days, are they really your friends? Don't hide how you're feeling-that's the worst you can do. And don't always want to make everyone else happy either-you come first, your happiness comes first.
ReplyDeleteYou're in my prayers!